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Friday, May 27, 2011

5 Sure Signs You Are Jason Kettinger

5. You buy 'The Blue Marlin' Nintendo game from some dude in Pennslyvania. That's right, Nintendo. [What are you, 6?--ed.] Yes, yes I am.

4. While reading the erudite encyclical Deus Caritas Est, wherein the master theologian-pope distinguishes between eros and agape with a skill that might even charm Hitchens and benefit all humanity if we followed his advice, you are not thinking about agape at all. Ahem.

3. When reading the same encyclical, a mention of Jacob's Ladder prompts you to sing "Jacob's Ladder" by Mark Wills, even though you hate every other song by Mark Wills. Don't worry, Anne; I know you won't click on the link anyway. But Jamie will! That song isn't about agape, either. "Late one night by the harvest moon..."

2. Discussing two of your favorite baseball players on your favorite team, it sounds like you are discussing a fish and a brand of peanut butter. (Let the reader understand)

1. You think Columbo is the greatest TV character ever.

'The Blue Marlin' Rant: This is the best fishing game I've ever seen. Unimpressive Nintendo graphics? Granted. Annoyingly hard at the beginning? Granted. Exausting? Definitely. And still, the second-best Nintendo game I know. It's a fishing game, for bait's sake! It better be fun! And it is. You're looking at me crazy. Fine; go play it, and then kindly SHUT YOUR YAPPER, 'cause I was right, wasn't I? It will: 1) Definitely convince you that you need to move to Florida; 2) Make you think you like fishing and 3) Make you lose weight, either because a) you burn calories in a futile belief that pulling your Nintendo controller like a fishing rod (don't laugh, it'll happen to you) will assist you in the game, or b) you are still chasing 975-pound marlins and sharks 13 hours and 47 Mountain Dews later. I'm just asking you to consider what is really important in life, because you won't remember, if you allow this menace/joy into your life. [You hate Mountain Dew.--ed] Yeah, well, you gotta do what you gotta do. Need to catch The Big One before the sun goes down! Oh, crap.

3 comments:

Anne said...

I didn't click on the link.

I'm rather amused that you find 'Deus Caritas Est' so...enlightening. I would highly suggest C. S. Lewis 'The Four Loves' (Published in 1960 I might add).

Jason said...

Are you suggesting that Lewis' work might be *more* true or beneficial because it's older? I'm not sure I'm allowed to believe that. :) Har. Very Catholic argument, by the way. [chortle]

Anne said...

I was actually musing over the fact that Lewis worked hard on this very topic a rather long time ago. Nice to see you Catholics catching on ;)

Also, I am surprised that you do not know the following:
http://www.zenit.org/article-15460?l=english

And lastly, Lewis' book is, in my opinion, more beneficial because he presents the definitions of each love as a "thought experiment." The silver-tongued debater wins over the reader not just with excellent examples but with sound reasoning.