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I Have A Secret

It took me every day of these last 35 years to learn it. I realized it in 2 different ways. The first way was realizing there was something I ought to do, but didn't want to do it. I'm the sort of person who is more likely to do something for others than for myself.

You evangelicals say weird things sometimes. Here was the weird thing I read: "I'm staying pure until marriage." Um, what? "I'm for chastity, until the moment when I convince some woman to live with me and have sex with me." No. This is why we can't have nice things.

Here's my secret: As far as I know, I don't have a preference anymore. Married or unmarried. The reason is that the temptation of unchastity is exactly the same. I know what it is. I can see it. It has nothing to do with sexual desire, as such. I had heard married people say that getting married doesn't help them with the temptation to lust, but I did not believe them. I'm sorry, but I didn't.

The real question is, "Do you want a moment's relief from the existential dread, doubt, boredom, and general dissatisfaction?" It's the devil's question, and he knows the answer is yes.

The challenge is to recognize that question for what it is, and turn instead to God to be filled. If I were married, that's too big a burden for any wife to carry. I give that to the Lord, and to Mary (and the other saints). We pray that the evil one will not use our desires against us.
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