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Saturday, November 22, 2014

Men Do Not Understand Women, But...

Women don't understand men, either. Not even close. They think they do; they might even swap vainglorious magazine articles about how much they do, but the truth is, unless we are comparing your average single young woman to a complete oaf and scumbag, the man understands way more. You think I'm crazy, perhaps, but I'm not.

My favorite absurdity about women is how they handle romantic attention. I'm taking a risk here, because I know women read this blog. Fair enough. I figure I'm single anyway; it doesn't get "worse" from here, for me. (Do not write me extolling the virtues of celibacy and other forms of special dedication to God; thank you. I am not denigrating it; I am single, knowingly. Meaning that I am treating it like a season for me, and a hard one, at that.)

Anyway, the silliest thing I ever have seen is when young women act surprised when a "really good friend" expresses romantic interest, they rebuff him, and then they have the gall to wonder why it "isn't like it was before." They'll even ask, "Why can't we just go back to how it was?" And this is moronic. Why? Because we are men; we are not built this way. At all. Does this mean they can't be friends? Of course not. But it means if you do, you had a really good base of friendship to start, such that he's comfortable and safe.

I'm not saying that he gets a free pass to be rude, cruel, or disappear forever. But you know what? It's totally goofy to wonder why he's put some distance there that wasn't there before. He's protecting himself, and you. A good man realizes that he can be a selfish, manipulative troll if he allows himself. He prevents this by sacrificing some closeness if necessary. If it doesn't change that much, that's an exceptionally good man; he's got selflessness coming out his ears. Here's the key, though: he's not a bad man if he can't do it. Absent any other behavior, this would be wholly unreasonable to expect. You will not be best friends with a guy who loves you, unless you love him back. I'm sorry, but not.

I'm not saying that the lady should be subject to repeated advances under the guise of "friendship"; this is manipulative and terrible. But short of that, for the love of all that is good, give the guy a break. If he's a great dude, he'll come to your wedding; he'll even be happy. If he cries a little when no one is around, try to understand. He's only a man, and he's doing his best. We do not default back to friendship; it was hard-won, and it is not easily kept. I really believe this is where homosexuality has really fouled things up between men and women; the gay guy that "totally gets you" is an aberration; he's not the ideal man; he's the epitome of its opposite, with all due respect.

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