Safe Haven

 I love the old TV series "Columbo." There was a TV movie that aired all the way back in 1968, "Prescription For Murder," that essentially served as a pilot for the regular series that most people are familiar with however, from 1971 to 1978. Other Columbo TV films actually aired less frequently from 1989 to 2003. The great Peter Falk actually wanted to appear in one more Columbo film in 2009, when he began to exhibit signs of dementia before his death. Falk did other things, but like Gregory Peck who starred as Atticus Finch in To Kill A Mockingbird, you might want to escape an iconic character, but at some point, that isn't any actor's decision. In the great comedy drama The Princess Bride, Peter Falk appears as The Grandfather in the little frame scenes that lead to the story. He's absolutely doing his Lt. Columbo. I don't know anyone who was disappointed in that casting. Columbo isn't saintly in a sort of untouchable way like Atticus Finch, b...

 And I use “artists” broadly, like “creatives.” I think it’s the liturgy and the missionary impulse. In ancient and medieval Europe, the life of the parish was the life of the town. There is a clear rejection of three-dimensional religious art in Eastern Christianity, both among those who accept the Bishop of Rome’s universal jurisdiction, and those who do not. Nevertheless, the entire field of sacred art and architecture is rooted in the liturgies and theology of the apostolic Churches all over the world. In many respects, apostolic Christianity in the strictest sense succeeds where its liturgies are celebrated, notwithstanding scores of people who are adherents, but wouldn’t know Jesus from a hole in the ground. That is, Divine Liturgy/Holy Mass is the fruit of the missionary impulse. To say this is unpopular today, to say the least. That impulse is colonization and domination, in the minds of some. I have no desire to coerce anyone, but “Lord” in Latin is “Dominus.” I would add ...

 I was going to say, “not in that liberal white woman way.” Offense not necessarily intended, but not absolutely prohibited, either. On the other hand, even if the acronym and the description for “Affluent White Female Urban Liberal” describes a real thing, it’s a bit mean to go around yelling, “You’re the stereotypical AWFUL!” I digress. I love Ted Lasso. I love that it’s funny, but it has heart. Pathos. But I don’t “need” Ted Lasso. I’m gonna make my best effort not to buy any Ted Lasso merchandise. Have I been tempted to buy the coffee mug with a Venn diagram explaining the Roy Kent fan chant on it? (IYKYK) Yep. But I won’t. (Roy was written to have once been one of the best defenders/defensive midfielders in the relatively short history of the English Premier League.) I enjoyed seeing Brett Goldstein on Sesame Street. He seems like a genuinely sweet man (which is why only he could play Roy Kent). But having him sorta in character as Roy, AND making the letter of the day be “F” ...

 This will be heartfelt, emotional, and potentially embarrassing. Offer it up, Bryan! [The Catholic version of, “Suck it up, buttercup”!—ed.] When I first met this poor guy, he was picking me up for an Association of Hebrew Catholics lecture, the subject of which was justification and the Council of Trent. Even in 2009, I needed answers. The Reformation was unviable in my mind, even if another solution wasn’t readily apparent. By the way, many Catholics who convert from Protestant communities could tell a story like that, but you’re in a tricky place if you’re feeling and thinking that way whilst training to be a Reformed pastor. Fortuitously, Bryan once was doing the same thing for the same reason at the same institution. The ride/drive was perilous, I’ll say that. And Bryan made the “mistake” of asking me why I haven’t or wouldn’t become Catholic. I had two reasons: justification and Mary. Mother Mary. You know, Mary of All The Things. She just apparently shows up places, obvious...

 I love Linda Cohn. She's one of the reasons that ESPN isn't total garbage, even though they have been firing the people who made it great for about 20 years. Anyway, she says Caitlin Clark should be the MVP in the WNBA this year. She in general points out that it's not a stats award; it's about who is the most valuable to her team. In principle, I absolutely agree. But Wilson is like Tim Duncan. The whole Aces program turns on the axis of her leadership. Coach Hammon knows this, because she was there. Gregg Popovich isn't some strategic genius; he had the players good enough to win, but he inspired those players to work together, and in the latter days, to follow Timmy's lead. I look at the Aces roster, and I think, "This team is legit loaded." (Ditto the Fever and the Minnesota Lynx, especially.) But seriously: would the Aces roster be so deep if A'ja wasn't there? Not just her stats, which are distinctly better than Caitlin's. But every ...

 But the worst people think they are the best people. Dunning-Kruger works for ethics, too. I still say that making your own meaning is exhausting. That’s why all those existentialists killed themselves. It seems to me that we discover meaning in a similar way that we discover how the water cycle works, or why our sky is often blue during the day. Follow the science! Can I throw the punch and say that right now, the people who say this the loudest don’t actually do it? We know those people who are a “good person” because they tell us all the time. Let’s stop joking, and make the point: Most people would canonize themselves saints. Most people are quicker to see faults in others than in themselves, myself included. I can sympathize with the idea that a church is supposed to be more like a hospital than a country club. Jesus said the sick need a doctor more than the healthy do. That’s common sense. I just find it odd and sad that the heuristic for good and bad for so many people is w...

 I'm gonna start this in a weird place, but I don't like Foreigner that much. I've heard "I Want To Know What Love Is" probably 200 times in my life, and that's enough. I'm sorry. And the thing is, I don't inherently mind power ballads [You love power ballads, you mawkish clown.--ed.] or songs with slow verses and bold choruses. It's just this song. Frankly, every time I hear it though, I think, "How many out of wedlock conceptions happened with this song in the background?" There's a beautiful song written by Todd Rundgren that is the title of this post. It was the final track on the Oops! Wrong Planet LP from 1977 from his band Utopia. It got even more popular when it was recorded by England Dan (Dan Seals) and John Ford Coley in 1979. I don't know if Todd Rundgren identified as a Christian when he wrote it--I wasn't there--and I don't know if he does now, but that's a gospel song. In fact, Dan Seals said he "go...

 I had probably heard "I Won't Hold You Back" as a kid, a little kid. Probably my mom or one of my stand-in "parents" had the TOTO IV LP. It was everywhere. I found the LP in my stepdad Bill's stuff in the early to mid-2000s. Well, I don't know if Timothy Schmit of the Eagles is a tenor; I don't know music like a musician does. But he sure sounds like he's in the Steve Perry range on "I Won't Hold You Back" and Perry has been called a tenor. Do you think the Eagles ever did the song in concert because Timothy recorded it with Toto? For funsies? Vince Gill, who's with the Eagles now, could definitely sing the part. Speaking of Vince Gill, he sings so high that I don't know what a "falsetto" even means for him. You're not really exceeding range, if you just live there.  Anyway, it's a bloody great song.

 I can recall taking a canon law class for my Masters degree in Theological Studies (Ave Maria University’s Institute For Pastoral Theology). It was a lot of case studies of people doing less-than-ideal things, and us figuring out which part of canon law would apply. I had a great instructor who made canon law fun, which is an odd sentence to write. Moral theology inevitably is a part of those discussions. The study basically of what to do or not to do in particular situations, and also oftentimes the analysis of how morally culpable a person is or is not, based upon their knowledge and actions, is another aspect of moral theology. Professor Benedict Nguyen is a great teacher, and a great mind in the Catholic Church today. We got to talking in class, and analyzing a difficult situation, he brought this out as a principle: “When in doubt, do not act.” We weren’t talking about a more obvious situation where failing to act is a sin of omission. We weren’t dealing with anything that is...

 I started to see a reel posted by a friend that was created by a working-class white guy. Credit to him for that, at least. Most spokespeople for Democrats are pathetic classist snobs. Uber-rich old money educrats who are so disconnected from ordinary people that a fake rich plutocrat got to play Donnie Populist all the way to the White House. Twice. Can you seriously believe it? The alleged party of racial minorities, the vulnerable, and the forgotten is actually the party of neo-Marxist pseudo-intellectual Mad Libs, outmaneuvered by a vulgar reality star, who drove a garbage truck and did a shift at McDonald’s. In a very profound way, Donald Trump is the antithesis of everything the Republican Party I had known stood for. The Cold War had continued the bipartisan consensus that won the Second World War. The Democrats got off-track when they let the Marxism and fascism we defeated gain a foothold in their ranks. It wasn’t economic Marxism, at least by the late 1960s. It was revol...

 She made 61 percent of her shots last night. For reference, anything at or very close to 50 percent is excellent, for men or women. Caitlin and her fans have surely been disconcerted that her shooting percentage has been low, especially from 3-point range, so a game like this, combined with others recently, has to feel good, especially when the Fever are winning games. Caitlin is famous for her facility for three point shooting, so you really want those shots and others to go in. Shots in the normal run of play while the clock is moving are called “field goals” if they go in, and field goal attempts in general. Shooting percentage is just the fraction of shots made by shots taken. The stats geniuses across many sports have been developing advanced stats that help them understand why games turn, or to explain why one player impacts a game more than another player. Competitive sports is just a giant math problem, from one angle, and that is personally terrifying to me. On the other ...

 I had a buddy in seminary who said that stand-up comedians were the secular preachers. Huge fans of particular comedians are like parishioners. Watch Josh Johnson. His control of pace is incredible. You don’t want to give up, even as you know he’s dripping out words like it’s his sermon, and you’ll have midday dinner when he’s ready to sit down. Pauses are punchlines, but punchlines are still punchlines. If you’re getting laughs at every part of a sentence, you’ve got them. If you don’t have to finish a sentence to get a laugh, they’re finding the punchline for themselves. Observational comedy is most analogous to preaching, especially in applying some premise to a particular situation. A preacher draws his audience in by painting a picture, then using a surprise twist—maybe even a joke—to make a point. The parables of Jesus are perhaps the most unique in recorded human history. (I’ll not waste time proving the point that they belong to the real Jesus of Nazareth; suffice to say t...

 If you ever watched the NBA from 1984-1998, this will make more sense. That’s the Jordan Era. I don’t intend to say that Caitlin is Michael Jordan in every respect, but she’s the player that is taking the WNBA from a marketing perspective to a similar place as Jordan did. He became literally the worldwide icon of the game. His popularity didn’t diminish other great players; it brought the overall talent into sharp relief. Like Clark now, no one would have said Jordan was the best in the league in 1984, or even 1987. But the fans saw what they saw, and “voted” with their dollars and attendance and TV viewership. She absolutely has the ability to be a multiple time MVP, scoring champion, league champion, and assist leader. How is she not like Jordan? Right now, I don’t see Caitlin being the best offensive and defensive player at the same time, as Jordan was. Or as the great A’ja Wilson is right now. I hope she proves me wrong. But like Jordan in 1997, Caitlin is good for 20 every ni...

 I know young people and everyone else for that matter just (apparently) has sex whenever they feel like it. Christians fornicate and cohabitate worse than the heathen these days. I also definitely recognize that mistakes and “accidents” happen. If I didn’t believe in forgiveness, I would be by definition the stupidest disciple of Jesus who ever existed. A disciple knows first above everything and everyone that his debt with God is bigger than anyone else’s. He extends mercy to other sinners because he believes he is the chief of sinners. All that said… How in the Sam Hill are you gonna make a baby, and then decide—while your age starts with a “1” or barely a “2”—that this isn’t going to work out, and you’ll go find someone else to have sex with? This serial monogamy stuff is just nuts, man. There are things even more nuts, but I cannot fathom a more painful question for a child, and from a child, than, “How come Daddy isn’t here with us?” Or worse, “Who is my Daddy?” Believe me, n...

 I saw something mean on the Twitter. Someone I follow said something like, “Protestants claim to know the Bible, but they just use it how they want.” Let me stop you right there. Most Protestants do absolutely know the Bible (as they have received it) better than most Catholics. That’s just true. I was there, and I’m telling you, it’s true. Unless we can cheat and use Scott and Kimberly Hahn’s kids, we’d get murdered in “sword drills” by some 16-year-old on a break from Baptist summer camp. Look, I am not saying it’s rightly interpreted all the time. I’d still be part of the Reformation if I believed that. But I can absolutely promise you: you don’t want to pick this fight. I was received into the Catholic Church at Easter when I was 31 years old. I’m 46 now. It might have been the happiest day of my life. But I will tell you that drinking deeply of the philosophical tradition and the Sacred Tradition, I started to get sad, because the Scriptural citations didn’t come quite as eas...

 The official terms liturgically are that bishops, priests, and deacons are the “ordinary ministers of Holy Communion.” Anyone else who helps in this way or in any other way is an extraordinary minister. Respectfully, in an ideal scenario, you wouldn’t be there. So please do it reverently and efficiently by all means. But ideally, the faithful shouldn’t notice you. It is also the case that people with bad motives and the ignorant use the provisions and permissions for less-than-ideal situations to introduce their wrong ideas into the liturgy. More than a few people need to hear, “Hey friend. You could literally go to Hell for stuff like that.” “Active participation” does not mean, “As many of us as possible need to do stuff in the liturgy.” It means that we know the significance of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. We are trying to be prayerfully aware of what the priest is doing, and to offer our own selves as distinct sacrifices to God. This is where the “and yours” in the vernacul...

 I don’t do it. I have a disability. Nobody should want to drop a consecrated Host, but if you know that you’re more likely to drop one than almost everyone else, just receive on the tongue. I don’t think that kneeling and receiving on the tongue is necessarily better, except to say that altering a body posture can alter a heart posture. In the main, that’s why we do it. To be somewhat funny about it, I would absolutely rather lick or bite the finger of a minister of Holy Communion than drop the Blessed Sacrament on the floor. Don’t worry about it, though; if Jesus were mostly ashamed of us, he wouldn’t show up at all. I started reading some lay “trad” essay on Substack about how it’s somehow wrong to receive in the hand, and I stopped. Just precious self-important nonsense, as usual. Please feel free to lick your hand, if you do happen to receive in the hand, and you suspect there might be a crumb. Our Lord shouldn’t be left like a hobo, after all. We do seem to spend a good deal ...

 Too bloody right, I watched The Lion King again the other day. It truly is a great film. Did you know that it’s made 979 million dollars? They made it for 45 million dollars in 1994. That’s a blockbuster, folks. Oddly enough, it did the most business outside North America. Different things struck me this time. Mufasa said, “Being brave doesn’t mean you go looking for trouble.” Indeed, bravery in the cause of wickedness or pride is a waste. Mufasa speaking to Simba from Heaven got me pretty good. I don’t think I’ve gotten emotional at that part before. I used to feel Simba’s ache as Mufasa receded; that longing I understand. However, this time it was, “You are my son, and the one true king” which landed a hard punch against me. Indeed, I spoke the line out loud, though I was alone. It was emotional. Ancestor worship isn’t totally wrong; as it is written, “Honor your father and your mother.” On the other hand, there’s nothing inherently praiseworthy about merely having lived and die...

 I was on a rant the other day about how the TV drama The West Wing was liberal fantasy, and how even Martin Sheen couldn’t play a believable Catholic president, because no one who was meaningfully Catholic—even with buffet tendencies—would go into an Episcopal cathedral (not even the National Cathedral) to contest with God over the death of Mrs. Landingham.  We just wouldn’t. Sorry. There’s probably a Catholic chapel at least within a couple miles, and maybe better. Technically, Martin Sheen was born during World War II, so he’s the Silent Generation. But The West Wing is Boomer fantasy liberalism. Notice how often the characters in that administration win the arguments with just their sheer conviction. The music swells, and whoever they were arguing with just slinks away. It’s actually embarrassing. I’ll just say it: you kinda have to be liberal to like the show. Not even the adorable Emily Procter playing a Republican could save the show. She might actually be conservative ...

 I don’t mind it. I’m not even rebellious enough to destroy a wave as it comes around. I will say that most people can’t do the wave and maintain focus on the game, which baseball assuredly deserves. In my long familiarity with my beloved St. Louis Cardinals, the outbreak of The Wave usually indicated that the game was delayed, or boring. We’re not The Best Fans In Baseball (TM). Sorry. But St. Louis has a pretty big metro area. The Cardinals will never be in financial trouble, unless they get taken over by a series of fools. Moreover, the hardcore, well, core of the fan base IS extremely knowledgeable. Objectively, we can say that the floor for the attendance of the Cardinals is probably 25,000 a game. It’s the most decorated franchise in the National League, and probably the Dodgers and the Yankees could credibly claim to have more haters. And we absolutely deserve that. We’ve won a lot. Like, a lot. They’ve spent the last few years being average or bad, and I’ve felt genuine sym...