5 Things To Do On The Day After One's 30th Birthday

5. Eat a Chipotle (TM) grilled steak burrito; yum.

4. Watch a slew of criminally good-looking people do the tango.

3. Make some new friends, and be in a car that gets a speeding ticket at 3:15 AM.

2. Be sure to do one's level-best to sit up straight in the back seat of said car, because "I have a disability, and am presently unable to shift my hips" apparently will not dissuade the officer from his belief that you are three sheets to the wind. Yes, I want to sue him, thanks for asking.

1. Sing "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" in a gay bar* at 1 AM.

*-In no way do I endorse homosexual practice, nor do I deny the biblical teaching on such matters. Sue me; they had karaoke!

5 Thoughts on Turning 30 (on the 30th)

5. Sheesh, "The word for today is 'job,' J-O-B."

4. Could I possibly get better-looking? No; then I'd be Tom Cruise.

3. Hope I don't go gray soon.

2. I'd hoped to accomplish more than this.

1. [Adjusting age scale of girls I will chase slightly upward] (You still have no shame.--ed.) True.