Saturday, July 31, 2010

5 Thoughts While Watching "Inception"

5. What the jimmy is going on in this movie?

4. It sounds like Ken Watanabe...and it is!

3. Even Leo DiCaprio can't ruin this movie.

2. This movie is freaking me out...let me out of here! Oh, sod it; I might as well stay to get some closure.

1. Seriously, what is going on?

[Completely Pointless Fantasy Baseball Rant: I started off with the best pitching in the league, or at least the luckiest. I got Carpenter and Rivera, and ended up with Ubaldo Jimenez. He was a possible star budding after a 15-win campaign, but noone expected 15 wins in the first half of the season. Needless to say, I'm glad I held on to him. Meanwhile, Mariano Rivera remains the best closing relief pitcher in the age 40. Though Ubaldo got levelled for seven starts (7.54 ERA) before this last outing that was good, his ERA stands at a nifty 2.67. You can have a few bad ones when it's 1.00 through 12 starts. Poor Chris Carpenter: 11-3, 2.93 ERA. He should be about 14-2. We've not seen his best yet, and he shut out the Pirates last night over 8 innings but did not factor in the decision. The Cardinals did not score the winning run of the 1-0 contest until the 10th inning, after Carpenter had departed. But he's not hurting my team, that's for sure. As for my hitters, I got really lucky. I pre-ranked all the players because I knew I'd miss the draft, and I ended up with the NL's RBI leader, (Ryan Howard) a Texas Ranger having an unexpected monster season (Vlad Guerrero) and his teammate, (Josh Hamilton .362 BA, 23 HR, 75 RBI, 1.043 OPS). I'm 2 points out of first place in a very competitive league. And I found Delmon Young on waivers, right before he seemingly drove in 30 runs last week. I'm going to win.]

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

I was kind of inspired by this. I know these cats from TV when Chris Matthews used to sound like a contrarian centrist. They're good dudes, man. The kind of Dems you want to get beat by. [Grammar Fascist: "by whom you wish to be beaten."] I'm a little sad, because: 1) I think I like Obama as a person and a symbol; 2) I think his policy choices will blow up in our faces; 3) Obama is missing a huge opportunity. With that, a top 5 list:

5 Probable Locations For The Post-Partisan Obama

5. The Bush ranch in Crawford, TX while an Obama-bot controlled by an embittered Al Gore runs the country.

4. Trapped on a delayed flight at O'Hare Airport.

3. Locked in a closet in Milwaukee, WI. (rant forthcoming)

2. In a secret, undisclosed location with Dick Cheney that is obviously owned by the Chinese.

1. Completely lost in the president's attempt to quit smoking.

[Related Rant Of Political Disappointment: I remember the moment where Obama let the mask slip just a little in the gloriously easy centrist campaign that was 2008: The Wisconsin Democratic Primary. Hillary was done, the mid-South victories notwithstanding. He had no reason to say anything leftish of any sort. It was a bit tone-deaf, a little too evocative of Democratic triumphalism before the 1990s. I thought, "Uh-oh, I don't know if he understands the ideological variety of his coalition." And that's only gotten worse. Weirdly Pro-McCain Rant: I continue to believe that John McCain is an unprincipled opportunist that had no business carrying the standard for America's conservative party. (The flip-floppery of the Senate campaign against Hayworth proves it further.) He's a poorly disguised stealth pro-choice candidate; if for that reason alone, I'm glad he lost. I'm under no illusions with Obama, but that's just the point: I expect Democrats to adopt unworkable, intellectually indefensible, immoral policies. And if McCain had sounded the notes of his speech in LA at the outset of the general election the rest of the way, I might have voted for him. It's criminal and sad that the media focused on the malapropisms in this speech; it was as good as McCain got. I blame that Rick dude.]
Fare thee well, fair maiden.
5 Virtues of Sunflower Seeds

5. They're healthy.

4. Sunflowers are pretty, which means pretty women aren't far behind.

3. I think they grow in Kansas, which helps an otherwise boring state economically.

2. As glorious as baseball can be, it needs a guy spitting seeds to take it to another level.

1. They're another thing you can pour salt on.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Well, it's 2:30 in the morning, and listening to music again. I can't go to bed until Mr. Edmonds and Toni Braxton stop manipulating me. I don't care; I love this song. Maybe one day I'll make a list of the top 20 (pop) songs that make me yell, "Why didn't I write this song?!" What do you think Mr. Edmonds made on this song, eleventy billion dollars? [Another song which would be useless if people weren't fornicating perverts.--ed.] The dude might have died, you never know. I hate Shanice's version on the Babyface Unplugged special in '97. [Everyone does.--ed.] And Madonna would be selling cubic-zirconia earrings without Mr. Edmonds and this song in 1995. It's a Faustian bargain really: He'll make you a bajillion dollars and extend your career, but in 15 years, it'll be his song and noone will care you were involved.