Day 9. In other news, "Hey Jason, what do you do to preserve your chastity?" I'm glad you asked. I pray to Mary. A lot. [Pagan.--ed.] Sue me. It beats, 'Remember you're already forgiven and victorious,' whatever that means.
Sadness. Anger. Rinse, repeat. So it has been for about a week. But never had the words of the Our Father held so much meaning: "forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." I have to let the anger go. We'll certainly have to talk about it someday. Maybe not today. But if I knew I was dying tomorrow or Christ was returning, I'd call. I don't care what they said. They're lucky I haven't done it anyway. Perhaps that's defiant. But I don't take friendship lightly. I don't break it or allow it to be broken without a fight. In this case, especially because of Christ. Aren't we supposed to live each day as though it were the last? I can't do that if I nurture this anger. I wonder what it is, then? I took some advice as a personal attack; I got angry. I replied immediately, always a bad idea. The way I understood the words fed some insecurities of mine. It made it sound as though I was forgetting lots of good things
Last month, we were discussing the Parable of the Prodigal Son, when my new teacher said that a refusal to reconcile is a way of saying, 'I can live my life just fine without you.' For the record, I could never say it. How blessed we are that God never says it, though I suppose it's technically true. Lord Jesus, preserve my life! I offer you these tears and sufferings for the relief of those in pain.
It's definitely time for this again . Read carefully and slowly, friends. Thank you again, Keith Mathison, for writing such a beautifully horrid book! I never would have emerged from my schismatic tendencies without you. Every Catholic apologist on Earth should read and own the book.