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The Crying Game

Apparently, I make people cry. In the good way, and the bad way. Sorry, everyone. I make myself cry. Both ways, too. "Sensitive" doesn't get it; it's like touching souls. Sensitive people get itchy when the mold gets high; Soul-Touchers can either change your life, or rip your guts out, and make you wonder if it's worth it.

Like sketchy preacher-types. And whoever made 'Armageddon'. I don't care what you say; that movie gets me every time. It's the Dad thing; has to be. It recasts the whole movie for me. When I see Gracie Stamper, I think, I get you. I know who you are.

So let me just remind everyone that I am an emotionally dangerous person. Or something. I really didn't know this. I was not aware of this at all. Please forgive me if I have destroyed any of you emotionally or otherwise. It probably wasn't intentional.

I am sitting here reflecting, and I realize that no one gets such a powerful gift for no reason. It means that as we talk, I should be careful. I'm not careful many times, because I think everyone is like me. That's stupid, I know. And there's not much of a filter here, because if it matters, then it matters.

On the other hand, I do edit as I go. I've repented mid-sentence and written again. Or at least re-written for the sake of charity. I was recently invited to reflect on the possibility that down the road, I may regret this post. It's one of the most-viewed that I have. And fair enough, it hasn't been very long. Also, full disclosure: I am aware that I am fully capable of writing angry, as it were. And that it could become a sin issue, if it hasn't already. All that said, I love that post. I know the love that made me write it. I understand that not everyone has examined these issues in dialogue as I have for as long as I have. If you happened upon this for the first time, it'd be a punch in the face. My bad.

But again, I think the central questions in theology are ecclesiological. If we call ourselves Christians, and we are not aware that, especially from a Protestant point of view, our very concept of 'Church' is disintegrating right in front of our eyes, we are deceived. Frankly, I don't know how "What is the Church?" and "Are we wrong about the Church?" doesn't echo in the soul of every putative minister.

I don't know where everyone is with respect to the evidences for the Catholic Church's claim to be the Church Christ founded, and I don't know if there is any theological meaning to that claim for any one person. But I do know that it is the question that matters, now, and into the future. If my actually being Catholic empties that statement of all force, my apologies.

I still believe, as I have for many years, that we will not soon have the luxury of disunity. It was this mental picture of men, surely agents of the Enemy and of the State, rounding up the followers of the Way and killing them that sharpened the dogmatic principle within me: "What would you die for, and how would you know it was right?" It was never just a fun exercise; if you don't ask yourself this, you should. I'm not even a very good Christian, but I absolutely know that whatever this is, death and life are the stakes, whether here or in the hereafter.

Can you imagine what this might do to a person about to take sacred vows to the effect that, "This is the word of God"? You had better know what matters and why. I understand that, God-willing, we'll probably live out most of our days in relative peace; we'll eat fried chicken after the service and turn on the Cards game. If it goes just so, hey, I'm not complaining. But it may not. And I don't just say words with respect to God; if He asks for everything I have, for the highest stakes possible,--pardon my failures, O Lord--then I'm in.

What I actually did was examine my access-points to divine truth that demanded my whole being. And as Bob Lozano might say, there were plot holes in our story. Big ones. I was shocked at how, as I once wrote, "critically unexamined" it all was. It was as if we as Christians developed along parallel lines that will never meet. That fundamental assumption of continuity and unity that lies at the very heart of the gospel promises was mocked in our very ecclesial lives, and in the supposed proud history we were taught. And this is the key: It is not only a moral problem to be repented of and lamented; it is a theological problem that demands an answer. Frankly, as I look at the non-Catholic world, it's not a strong answer. I heard the words in my soul: This isn't worth dying for; this isn't worth even a separation. You might think Sola Fide or penal-substitutionary atonement is worth your life, at least until you inquire as to its origin and basis. And I am personally a witness that the Church that was allegedly unworthy of loyalty, that had supposedly perverted the gospel of Jesus Christ, puts up a sturdier defense than one is prepared to acknowledge.

While I am thrilled and thankful that most people now do not regard Catholics as sub-Christian heathen, and many kinds of Christians have all manner of warm fellowship and dialogue, it clouds our vision at times as to the importance of not only the person of God, but as to the precise content of his message. Fair to say that the disputants in Christian history would be offended by our apparent unwillingness to fight for the doctrine of God. Is it possible that transient things like politics and culture have become more important than the truth about God? A passing thought, worthy of consideration.

Just so we are clear: If you get an inspiration to read your Bible more, or to pray more, or a good word in a sermon, discern it. If it is good, do it! None of the hard edges of what the Catholic Church says to other Christians, whether authority, or sacraments, or doctrine, is opposed to this. But you must be ready for God to do what He likes. The Holy Spirit will never tell you to stay away from the Catholic Church. Jesus Christ is Jesus Christ. There is no Protestant Jesus and Catholic Jesus. And one Father of all who believe.

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