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I Dreamed A Dream (Again)

I had a dream two nights ago. All of my friends were in a house. It was the Lord's house; I know that part. It's a very nice house. Anyway, I sat down right in front of the friend from whom I am estranged. I looked right at her. She kept reading her book, as if I were not there. It was very hard.

It was more than a bit like those scenes in The Christmas Carol and It's A Wonderful Life, where no one can see the main character. We're desensitized to this now, because we've seen it so much. But can you imagine how terrible that would actually be? [Shudder] I wonder if the Judgment will be like this; you see what would have happened without you either way.

I don't know why I'm thinking about this so much. Well, I do. But I wish I were not. I feel pretty much like I did at the time: that the silence is unwarranted, un-Christian, unforgiving, and unfair. And no amount of lecturing or guilt-trips will change that.

I have taken not only this personally, but also those who thought it necessary to rebuke me, as if the emotions were not enough. You weren't there; you don't know what I was thinking and feeling. And no one bothered to ask. Shut your pie-hole.

My capacity for self-debasement only goes so far. But obviously, this is still bothering me.

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