I'm not good at this blogging game. Thoughts worth writing about are as transient as the sunlight these days here in Missouri. It's been rainy and cold 5 days in a row. I know what they say: Keep writing! But I've never been able. Maybe I have the mind of the quintessential professional writer; I'm too proud to write only for myself, and too worried about others' opinions to write even when it sucks. I'm going to say 'sucks' on a Christian blog, and I dare the word-fascists to get angry about it. I care about holiness too. But that's the kind of silliness that makes the world around us think we're nuts, and we deserve it on that one. God's not an old man in the sky keeping score on a clipboard. If you censor your own language believing that a minor alteration in speech will in any way hide your true feelings from God, or improve your standing with Him, then you are misguided indeed. Certain situations are good times for self-censorship, other times are not. I'm fairly sure God wants to pardon honest sinners, not pious liars. I quoted myself saying 'bullshit' the other day. It wasn't crude or crass; it was necessary. The use of such a word should be reserved for encounters with the most odious sorts of ideas and outright lies. "I don't believe you" just doesn't quite get it across.
Today, you’re 35. Or at least you would be, in this place. You probably know this, but we’re OK. Not great, but OK. We know you wouldn’t want us moping around and weeping all the time. We try not to. Actually, I guess part of the problem is that you didn’t know how much we loved you. And that you didn’t know how to love yourself. I hope you have gotten to Love by now. Not a place, but fills everything in every way. I’m not Him, but he probably said, “Dear daughter/sister, you have been terribly hard on yourself. Rest now, and be at peace.” Anyway, teaching is going well, and I tell the kids all about you. They all say you are pretty. I usually can keep the boys from saying something gross for a few seconds. Mom and I are going to the game tonight. And like 6 more times, before I go back to South Carolina. I have seen Nicky twice, but I myself haven’t seen your younger kids. Bob took pictures of the day we said goodbye, and we did a family picture at the Abbey. I literally almost a...
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