Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Having no other authority than that which I might assign to myself, and in truth, whatever is granted by my entry into the baptismal font of the Triune God, I feel compelled to discuss an issue of great importance to this generation: modesty. I have no wish to bind the consciences of my fellow believers beyond what the law of Christ requires, and that which is appropriate for my influence and station. But it is worth discussing. I begin with an illustration. Two twenty-something Christian women come up behind you or I; one turns to another well within our earshot and says, “Girl, you look cute today.” Simple words, indeed. Nothing inherently threatening or overtly wicked about any of them. And I cannot say that I myself have fled sexual immorality in every case of testing, as the Bible commands. But what I can tell you is that when I hear these words, I run. I don’t turn and look. I don’t see if I know them. I just run. In fairness, if a girl says this to her other girl friend, there is only a 66.4% chance that the first girl is showing too much skin. If she replaces the word “cute” with the word “hot” in her compliment, the chances that she is a Jesus-loving tart in that instance rise to 99.7%. It’s really simple: Homosexual attraction, though tragic and becoming all too common (as is the sin that attends it) is rare. But if your man-loving friends think you’re delicious, imagine what men will think. We can take responsibility for our sins. We men always have a choice. But the point is, stop helping us all descend into the pit of hell. Your mother and your “frenemies” who tell you that you dress too plain and will never find a man are full of it. Most of us aren’t picky, and again, we have no trouble admiring your form or every other thing about you. You could wear brown ankle-length dresses for a year and no makeup—every single one of you—and I don’t think your prospects would change in the slightest. There is still variation, sure, but you know that. And I’ve seen enough attractiveness-unbalanced couples to know that there is something more than physical beauty at work in your brains, too. The point is, have you discussed this with your friends, and better yet, a man who would tell you the truth? I can’t personally see a difference between how Christian girls are dressing in our times, and everyone else. Maybe the problem is me, but I doubt I’m far off. I’m not trying to run your life. I only know that it seems like you have no idea what real men are like. Real Christian men, not those “sanctified” robots you seem to favor (a rant for another day). I’m telling you: If you dress on what you think is the cautious side of frumpy, you’ll be doing the whole lot of us men a huge favor. The Christian cultural commentator Denis Haack once said that Mandy Moore’s character in “A Walk To Remember,” Jaime, had an overdone frumpy look. Here, I respectfully disagree. I think all women should dress kinda like Jaime. Sure, she wasn’t an adult. But given everything the Scriptures say, how much liberty on this do you need or want? Unless you are indifferent about lust, if you want to be more than an object of desire, act like it. Unless I am married to a woman, there are parts of her (God help me) I don’t need to see. And you need to know that your American culture’s definition of “attractive, yet tasteful” is a joke. A pile of compost. And that’s an insult to a rotting pile of grass. I beg of the mercy and grace of God each day for pardon and strength to walk faithfully each day in chastity, though I am bombarded (not even by choice) with sex. My question and challenge which you must ask yourselves my sisters, is this: “Am I doing all that I can to assist my brothers in walking before the LORD in righteousness?” It applies in every situation, but so much more in this matter. And I’d say that if the focus of female reflection has not moved from “my wants, my needs, my freedom, my expression” to the good of all of us in the body of Christ, it needs to start. See how loving God and loving neighbor can fit so well together in these things? This is not a blame game; in point of fact, it’s a plea for help and understanding. [Semi-Related Side-Rant About “Lost” And Whatever Else: No, I haven’t seen “Lost.” I don’t intend to. I’m not being contrarian. I’m sure it’s an amazing show. I saw a really creepy snippet of approximately ten seconds. But have you noticed how in all the previews, every character is either: A) Running earnestly with furrowed brow half-naked toward something, or B) making out with another character, or C) tied up, facing torture/death/injury while (conveniently) half-naked? I saw one preview for this show and decided it should be called “Lust” and hence, should be avoided. If you can watch it, awesome and swell for you. But I know when I’m being toyed with, and I have no wish to make my life any harder. Personally, I wish the word “cleavage” referred only to butcher knives; I think shampoo should be advertised by men. Women who can’t wear dresses make me nervous; short-haired “progressive” women need Jesus and a husband; I think Psalm 73:3-8 reminds me of Hugh Hefner; I’d like it if Cary Grant’s character in “The Philadelphia Story” yelled at half the women I know like he did to Katharine Hepburn’s character; I’m tired of being lonely, but tired of trying not to be; I won’t mind if a woman is never president; I don’t think this is chauvinistic; neither is this; I think Vivien Leigh’s Scarlet O’ Hara embodies everything I hate about women; A scant few embody everything I love about them; I’d like a wife who’s smarter than me; I’d like a wife who’s better than me; I hate shorts; I think the editors of beauty magazines are sick; there are no gentlemen in gentlemen’s clubs; I’m done being polite.]

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