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Anybody who knows me knows that I'm a bit girl-crazy. [What are you, 12?--ed.] Yes. After a fashion. No one of the fairer sex has seen fit to snag me off the market, so yes. Anyway, one meets with a certain lack of success (or limited success) and the natural reaction, albeit perhaps not the most productive one, is to question one's desirability and so forth. I'm not breaking any news here, surely. Lonely dudes, can I get a witness? I know you feel me. [You're a jobless, penniless bum in graduate school who's apparently about to torpedo your most viable career option. Would you date you?--ed.] No. But kats get lucky all the time like that. I had a friend who introduced me to the film version of "Phantom of the Opera" directed by Joel Schumacher. Yes, I know, it's not faithful to the story/play, blah blah, shut up. Anyway, I personally really identified with the Phantom. And yes, it begins on creepy terms, given the fact that Christine Daae is just a girl when the Phantom takes a shine to her, a la "The Thorn Birds" [You just lost all the papists, bringing that up.--ed.] Well, sorry. It happens. No, the funny part is, I've never actually seen "The Thorn Birds." But a story about a priest who falls in love with a woman is always going to some kind of cultural marker, so long as priestly celibacy is a norm in the Catholic West. I digress. The Phantom. I like him. I understand him. That is, I suppose, until he started killing people. But deformity and being on the fringes, this I understand well, whether I choose to admit this as my reality or not. I know tons of good-looking women who went for other dudes, too. In any case, Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber and his minions decided to add a song to this film called "Learn To Be Lonely" that I really love. The words ring true, in some sense, in a nice, accessible, singable form. [Is 'singable' an actual word?--ed.] It is now! The song is an odd, bittersweet encouragement to me, as I consider all the possible permutations of my estate. Still, I hope this line isn't true: "You've always known/Your heart was on its own." I didn't come here to tell you that, as the great Cosby would say.
I'm doing That One Thing At That Secret Place (let astute readers understand) whose outcome, whose mission, if I choose to accept it, would entail a great many changes. I don't want to put some girl who loves her Lord the way she knows how through that kind of change. Just a bomb I drop in the middle of the relationship: "Oh, by the way..." "Uncle Bryan" was already married. If he hadn't been, that would have been a fun reality show to watch. (But not for Bryan.) It's certainly not over, but I actually expect matters to conclude in that fashion. Should I wait until the crisis is over? Seriously, what should I do? [That's what you get, chasing theologically committed girls, dummy.--ed.] At least they're holding to a dogmatic principle! How comforting. (Not) I wish God would give me the faith one way or the other. No, I pray he does.

Comments

Timothy R. Butler said…
All leaving of my senses aside, we need to focus on hammering out more theology for you. There is still hope this side of the river!
1:17 AM
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