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It was a bit deflating to hear the phone ring this morning, only to rise and find no name attached to the 206 area code number. With how I was feeling, I was hoping God would call. Then again, maybe He did. In point of fact, area code 206 appears to be a defunct one from Washington state. I know 202 to be the District of Columbia; I didn't think Mr. Turner or the President of the United States would call. It's a sales call. Still, it's nice to know someone cares, even if he just wants to separate me from my cash.
I doubt most people would value the thoughts I thought before I rose to see who it was. They were the same ones I fell asleep with. You know, I thought of ending the blog yesterday; I don't find any happiness here right now. Just myself and The Thoughts, every time I want to write or do anything at all. Is this how it will be? "Is this all that I am? Is there nothing more?" Haunted. It's hard to remember feeling or thinking anything else.
Somebody said I was in a cave. No; caves by their darkness remind you of light. This is worse. This is Nothing. As if I have died, the good part, the happy part, and this other self gets to sit here.
I suppose it could be worse. I actually care. Life matters. It might matter so much in the particular that it's why I'm stuck here. My brother says all the time that you can't let other people dictate how you're going to feel. That's true, I guess. Easy for him to say.

Comments

Timothy R. Butler said…
Praying for you, my brother. Call if you want to talk.
9:37 PM
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