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To Peter Leithart and others, let me take the risk of being rude and say that I'm crying crocodile tears that you judge me in schism from the personal mental phantasm you call "the Church." When you come anywhere close to figuring out what your ragtag band believes to be the most essential doctrines (and agree among yourselves that you're not going to hell, at a minimum) you let me know. I'm super gratified that despite your vehement disagreements with the Church of Rome, many of you consider me part a true "branch" of your mental phantasm, but oddly enough, opinions on that vary almost as numerously as the thousands of separate visible communities in which you have gathered yourselves.

I suppose that an open communion table is a worthy goal among you, but doing this indicates of itself that those doctrinal particularities have been relegated to a sphere of secondary importance, a statement contradicted by both your visible separations, and the vehemence of your ongoing discussions.

Mother Church of course has always held the same Eucharistic doctrine from the beginning until now, and reminds the lot of you that your eucharistic celebrations are invalid, owing to the lack of episcopal succession from the Apostles. The earnest attempt to find the apostolic faith from the Scriptures alone--which had never been done in the history of the Church, ever--obviously turned into a fiasco, as I pointed out above.

And I'm sorry, Anglicans. Close, but no cigar. Someone went with Thomas Cranmer for the block a while back, and circle most definitely does not get the square. But if you come back, Papa said you could keep your liturgy. How cool is that? [You just compared the Anglican/Catholic split to a game of 'Hollywood Squares.' I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.--ed.] That I did. But the point is made.

The Pope is kind of like Admiral Adama. There are commanders on other ships, and he doesn't tell them how to run those ships, day-to-day. But for something that affects everyone, or when the Cylons attack, (Satan and his minions) he's running the show. And that makes sense. Captain of the flagship battlestar, and our only real hope to make it home. [Battlestar Galactica now? You know that guy was a Mormon?--ed.] Look, I'm making analogies, not writing a textbook. And isn't that perilously close to an ad hominem? [Mayhaps.--ed.] Not you too! Bah!

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