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Good Friday

I'm christening a new nickname right now: Gentle Warrior. When she reads it and realizes it's her, she will feel unworthy of it. Which is precisely why it is deserved. I hadn't intended to do it, but if I want to tell you a Good Friday story, I need you to know the people in the story. Oftentimes, when people see Christ in us, we are instead humbled by our self-knowledge, our own sin that is ever before us. And yet, let the love of Christ be so near that self-knowledge draws us in, rather than pushes us away. If we need to do penance, well and good. But not of servile fear, but love. There is no such thing as "Catholic guilt." It doesn't exist. When people say this, they are the epitome of the damned in Hell. The damned will regret the consequences of what they've done, but not what they have done with true penitence. If your conscience accuses you, go toward Christ! Was He not speaking through St. John about this very thing when He said, "But God is greater than our hearts"? You will say to me, 'I fear to speak my deeds to a man.' You foolish person! The man is Christ!

So I went with Gentle Warrior to the Mass of the Lord's Supper. Mr. Gentle Warrior was there, too. I think we both agree that it is him who deserves the title most, in many respects. And so we went. I will not be able to describe it for you, the feelings. I can only say that a church empty of its Lord does not feel like a church. He bid us to come give him glory and praise, so we did. How you will cherish that Eucharistic sacrifice on that Thursday when you know it will not be done again until the Vigil! Those who deny it or doubt it, keep silence. This is not the time.

I feasted on pork chops when I returned. Fitting, I thought, given the sacrifices of today. Never has anything tasted so good. And it was legitimately good; it was not only because I had not eaten. We had decided to go to Stations the next morning. It was a thought which touched me there, and it lingered into today: God's love is so big. More than that, I just plainly realized that God loves people infinitely more than I do. I've got no grudges on my soul; there is no one with whom I don't want to be on friendly terms. But you know how it is. People say things you think are stupid. They believe things that are totally wrong. They do horrible, evil things to themselves and others. And you end up in "discussions" that you don't even want, frustrated and angry about the whole thing. It can suck you down. But somewhere beneath all the crap, (because that's what it is) there is a person God loves. And I'm not even talking about you Christians separated from the Church; I'm talking about wicked sinners, who compound it by celebrating themselves, gloating in their evils as though they are good! I hate that. But I need to offer that to God, instead of fighting back from my own weakness and sin.

So I had those three people on my heart last night. And they were there today, too. God's love is so big. Jesus, if you could just bring them here to the cross, to know what I know, nothing could stand in the way. They say I'm good with words, but this doesn't need words. Friends of Jesus don't need words. We just look and know. Tears, maybe a smile. But the peace of God is like a secret. Sometimes, I hate words in prayer, because they just get in the way. There's never been a thing wrong with a formal prayer. It's how we learn. All the prayers, like everything Mother Church gives, are gifts to teach us things we don't understand. But when we do, even for a moment, save the words. Your heart speaks words your mouth can't always.

Gentle Warrior asked me if I wanted to venerate the relic of the True Cross. Pardon me if it sounds proud, but I said, "I'm already there. I don't need to go over there." His Cross was everywhere. The love is everywhere. It fills this whole day. Do you sense it?

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