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Dear Ministry Leader Person

I am sure there is someone out there who has actually been hurt by a church's (some would say inordinate) focus on families. But you know what this sounds like? Whining. The apology sounds like whining, the stuff that prompted it sounds like whining, and all these people should get doctorates in whining.

You know what? You're about to get a heavy dose of the truth.

If you take away celibacy as a special gift to God that is actually greater than marriage, this is what you get. You get a whole bunch of people who are defined by the fact that they aren't having sex with someone. Thanks, Luther. Thanks, Calvin. I blame you.

Look, I'm a screw-up of the highest order, and the only thing funnier/worse than me giving a talk on chastity is...I don't even know. But chastity is what we really need. Here's a working definition of chastity, OK? It is the self-mastery of being defined by something other than sexual desire. You need this in any case, OK? Just trust me. I read another article on a blog in reply to a post by someone anonymous. The anonymous person wrote a fundie-tastic article about how a husband should get sex-on-demand. That is unchastity. And that's not loving. Either this guy isn't married, or his wife is in a terrible situation.

I'm single. It's not me. It fits ill. Marriage brings unique challenges, many of which I'll be absurdly unprepared for. What else is new? Do you see this? I may make it look good, but this is chaos over here. Mercy-filled chaos. But it's not anybody else's main job to bear my cross for me. It's not anyone's fault that I'm bearing the suffering of seemingly being out of place. I don't need a special mention. I'm already in a wheelchair, for pete's sake. I'm either completely ignored, or treated like a puppy. I have a Master's degree. If you want to apologize, apologize for that. For not seeing me as a person. Granted, I'm kinda weird. But the fact that I don't have a wife is pretty far down the list of wounds. I digress.

The point of all this life is God. You realize that, yes? Through the wounds and hurts, and not in spite of them, we learn to love God above all things. I don't know what the plan is for any of us being single right now. I won't say you'll get that blessing when...and all the horrible, trite nonsense you've heard, because I don't know. I only know there is a crucifix to my right, and the Lord pictured on it wants me to know how much He loves me. Even now, I am tempted to forget.

Lord, I offer You the sufferings of this life for others as You see fit. The rocks are crying out, and we cry out with them! May you be praised for ever and ever!
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