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I Need Your Help

I don't think "ABs" could really understand what it actually means for me to ask you for help. At the completely practical level, it might mean, "This needs to happen urgently, and you're here." But let's say it's something non-urgent, or even something I could do, if not pressed for time. It means, "I value you, and trust you with something I'm self-conscious or anxious about." It means I want to connect with you, to be served by you. Of course, I want to serve you and others. But it's not easy to accept help. I think people mistakenly assume that if you have some severe disability, you find it easy to acknowledge your limitations, and ask for help. That's not true at all. Men don't ask for directions, and I don't like asking for help. But if I do, you ought to know that it indicates for me a high level of trust, even affection.

I think it's entirely possible that people get caught up in imagining what they would do, if they were me. But the psychology of a particular challenge or limitation is never exactly the same from person to person. You may have unfair able-bodied expectations you don't even realize.

"It's not about your disability" but it really is, and I know it, even if you don't. Disability adds an extra layer of pressure to any sort of inter-abled relationship, and if you don't talk about it, complete disaster and hurt is a live possibility.

As I've written before, I don't even like the idea of being an activist. I have a fundamentally conservative soul, even if some people in my life don't believe that. However, I've said, "Wow, they really don't get it, do they?" so many times that apparently, I'll be spending the rest of my life elaborating on what "it" is. So be it.
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