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Early Morning

I woke up at 6 AM, which is silly, because there's no reason for me to get up at 6 AM. There's no ability to get up then, either. When I know I'll be waiting, I try to pray. Nothing overly involved, just usually talking to the Blessed Mother and Our Lord.

I got totally lost in it this morning. A friend was on my mind, and I kept thinking of his whole journey. As I sorted through the images in my mind, I realized: this is what prayer is for. God is already in the moments of our lives. All of them. If we just try to get closer to God, we fail. If we invite God to enlarge our hearts to see Him in our moments, then we'll actually achieve what we seek.

Pain won't decrease; far from it. It's never worked like that. But what do I actually believe about God? If God is good, then he's with me when I experience bad things. I don't have to find God somewhere; I just need to realize that I'm the dense one. I'm the one who wants to run and hide.

Why? Why would I run and hide? Well, why'd Adam and Eve run? They ran because they knew they were broken. A wounded animal runs; a person made alive by Jesus takes the light of faith back to the Sacred Heart. Even if we have moments of flight--and we all do--our destiny is the Beloved. We are the Beloved, and we can be in the Beloved, if we want to be.

I recognize my "animal" self--my lesser self--as the one who forgets what he knows, for the sake of some mindless distraction. If I'm filled with worldly goods and the pleasures of the senses, maybe I won't have to bear that gnawing emptiness, that fear of not being lovable.

He's overcome my fear with His tenderness, of a million touches and kisses, the embrace of family, of Home. And now I see the truth of it by the powerful light of faith. Where will we go now? Who knows? Who cares? If He's with me, everywhere and anywhere is Home.
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