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Processed Foods And Other Stuff

 I know the blog has been a little fallow lately, but I haven't been in the frame of mind to say anything that I felt like sharing. I'm happy for the money--such as it is--that the ads on the blog slowly and surely accumulate, and which will one day be paid, but I never wanted to treat this blog like work or a chore that I was doing. And trust me, if I published every time I was in a mood, I'm pretty sure I would redefine "pariah".

Anyway, you hear all the time that processed foods are bad. It's absolutely true that there are many milligrams of sodium in anything we call "processed". Presumably, large amounts of sodium is added as a preservative, in order to increase the shelf life of certain foods. There are large portions of the so-called "clean food" movement that represent nothing more than a transmuted desire for ritual purity, long since abandoned in religious practice. That said, if you pressed me, I would probably eat less sodium if I could, all things being equal. The absolute worst thing about the sodium in processed foods is that it does not appreciably improve the taste experience of whatever it is you happen to be eating. Therefore, most normal people will add table salt to something that was already loaded with sodium in the first place. I'm gratified that I can keep your beef stew in a can or a package for more than a year. However, it still doesn't taste great without help, and that is help that I intend to provide.

You know, I broke my salt-shaker the other day. I won't say it shattered in a million pieces, but it was enough that I had to mourn the loss of my salt-shaker. Even in America, do you know how boring our food is without salt and pepper? Really boring! Our forefathers were at least partially English of course, so they are not only pioneers in moving west, but pioneers in eating boring food.

On the other hand, like any Midwestern white person, I don't like my food to be too adventurous. It's always funny when I watch a cooking show, like Top Chef, or The Great British Baking Show, because the odds are better than even money that I won't eat whatever it is. You can hear the foodie types talking about flavor notes and surprises, and I wonder who these weirdos actually are, with this eating-as-aesthetic-experience thing going on. I like a good flavor as much as the next guy, but I eat to eat, not to experience food. The number one rule I would give any chef is, "Don't repulse me with your food." If I'm completely honest, I laugh hysterically when some host says, "Your seasoning overpowered everything else." Is there a bigger "first world problem" than over-seasoned food? I will play you a piece on the world's smallest violin, as I bring your brisket, festooned with entirely too much salt.

So I had this beef stew, and lacking table salt, I used seasoned salt, which is paprika, dried stuff, and only Heaven knows what else. It was probably a bit much, but out of the can like that, it just doesn't taste right. Which reminds me: when I would get the same stew in a plastic microwavable container, it was tastier, but smaller. Too bad I couldn't open the thing to save my life.

One more thing. Having a disability which also comes with a startle response is really irritating, especially when opening sealed cans of stew. I think to myself, "I know that when I pull this lid off, it's going to make a sharp noise, which will startle me, and splatter beef gravy all over this kitchen." The noise doesn't have to be loud, just different and sudden. I estimate that it takes at least 300 mg of sodium in some form or another, to balance out that frustration.

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