Skip to main content

Processed Foods And Other Stuff

 I know the blog has been a little fallow lately, but I haven't been in the frame of mind to say anything that I felt like sharing. I'm happy for the money--such as it is--that the ads on the blog slowly and surely accumulate, and which will one day be paid, but I never wanted to treat this blog like work or a chore that I was doing. And trust me, if I published every time I was in a mood, I'm pretty sure I would redefine "pariah".

Anyway, you hear all the time that processed foods are bad. It's absolutely true that there are many milligrams of sodium in anything we call "processed". Presumably, large amounts of sodium is added as a preservative, in order to increase the shelf life of certain foods. There are large portions of the so-called "clean food" movement that represent nothing more than a transmuted desire for ritual purity, long since abandoned in religious practice. That said, if you pressed me, I would probably eat less sodium if I could, all things being equal. The absolute worst thing about the sodium in processed foods is that it does not appreciably improve the taste experience of whatever it is you happen to be eating. Therefore, most normal people will add table salt to something that was already loaded with sodium in the first place. I'm gratified that I can keep your beef stew in a can or a package for more than a year. However, it still doesn't taste great without help, and that is help that I intend to provide.

You know, I broke my salt-shaker the other day. I won't say it shattered in a million pieces, but it was enough that I had to mourn the loss of my salt-shaker. Even in America, do you know how boring our food is without salt and pepper? Really boring! Our forefathers were at least partially English of course, so they are not only pioneers in moving west, but pioneers in eating boring food.

On the other hand, like any Midwestern white person, I don't like my food to be too adventurous. It's always funny when I watch a cooking show, like Top Chef, or The Great British Baking Show, because the odds are better than even money that I won't eat whatever it is. You can hear the foodie types talking about flavor notes and surprises, and I wonder who these weirdos actually are, with this eating-as-aesthetic-experience thing going on. I like a good flavor as much as the next guy, but I eat to eat, not to experience food. The number one rule I would give any chef is, "Don't repulse me with your food." If I'm completely honest, I laugh hysterically when some host says, "Your seasoning overpowered everything else." Is there a bigger "first world problem" than over-seasoned food? I will play you a piece on the world's smallest violin, as I bring your brisket, festooned with entirely too much salt.

So I had this beef stew, and lacking table salt, I used seasoned salt, which is paprika, dried stuff, and only Heaven knows what else. It was probably a bit much, but out of the can like that, it just doesn't taste right. Which reminds me: when I would get the same stew in a plastic microwavable container, it was tastier, but smaller. Too bad I couldn't open the thing to save my life.

One more thing. Having a disability which also comes with a startle response is really irritating, especially when opening sealed cans of stew. I think to myself, "I know that when I pull this lid off, it's going to make a sharp noise, which will startle me, and splatter beef gravy all over this kitchen." The noise doesn't have to be loud, just different and sudden. I estimate that it takes at least 300 mg of sodium in some form or another, to balance out that frustration.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Alyse

 Today, you’re 35. Or at least you would be, in this place. You probably know this, but we’re OK. Not great, but OK. We know you wouldn’t want us moping around and weeping all the time. We try not to. Actually, I guess part of the problem is that you didn’t know how much we loved you. And that you didn’t know how to love yourself. I hope you have gotten to Love by now. Not a place, but fills everything in every way. I’m not Him, but he probably said, “Dear daughter/sister, you have been terribly hard on yourself. Rest now, and be at peace.” Anyway, teaching is going well, and I tell the kids all about you. They all say you are pretty. I usually can keep the boys from saying something gross for a few seconds. Mom and I are going to the game tonight. And like 6 more times, before I go back to South Carolina. I have seen Nicky twice, but I myself haven’t seen your younger kids. Bob took pictures of the day we said goodbye, and we did a family picture at the Abbey. I literally almost a...

My Thoughts On The Harrison Butker Commencement Speech

Update: I read the whole thing. I’m sorry, but what a weirdo. I thought you [Tom Darrow, of Denver, CO] made a trenchant case for why lockdowns are bad, and I definitely appreciated it. But a graduation speech is *not* the place for that. Secondly, this is an august event. It always is. I would never address the President of the United States in this manner. Never. Even the previous president, though he deserves it, if anyone does. Thirdly, the affirmations of Catholic identity should be more general. He has no authority to propound with specificity on all matters of great consequence. It has all the hallmarks of a culture war broadside, and again, a layman shouldn’t speak like this. The respect and reverence due the clergy is *always due,* even if they are weak, and outright wrong. We just don’t brush them aside like corrupt Mafia dons, to make a point. Fourthly, I don’t know where anyone gets the idea that the TLM is how God demands to be worshipped. The Church doesn’t teach that. ...

A Friend I Once Had, And The Dogmatic Principle

 I once had a friend, a dear friend, who helped me with personal care needs in college. Reformed Presbyterian to the core. When I was a Reformed Presbyterian, I visited their church many times. We were close. I still consider his siblings my friends. (And siblings in the Lord.) Nevertheless, when I began to consider the claims of the Catholic Church to be the Church Christ founded, he took me out to breakfast. He implied--but never quite stated--that we would not be brothers, if I sought full communion with the Catholic Church. That came true; a couple years later, I called him on his birthday, as I'd done every year for close to ten of them. He didn't recognize my number, and it was the most strained, awkward phone call I have ever had. We haven't spoken since. We were close enough that I attended the rehearsal dinner for his wedding. His wife's uncle is a Catholic priest. I remember reading a blog post of theirs, that early in their relationship, she told him of the p...