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“Church Trauma” (Language Warning)

What if most of this phrase is political and cultural bullshit?  There is probably a theobro somewhere who agrees with me. I’m not one of them; I think women should vote, and have driver’s licenses and credit cards and whatever.

I think “bodily autonomy” is a trash euphemism that means, “I think it’s perfectly acceptable to murder the results of my sexual promiscuity, because sexism, or whatever.” Something very close to 99 percent of all intentional pregnancy terminations are elective. Those three words before “are elective” are precisely chosen, so I don’t get into a pointless equivocation with the latte-drinking girly-boy husband of an exvangelical, because they like to conflate medical terms with common usage ones to sound smart.

I don’t know “Allison,” maybe traditional Christianity seems “hurtful” because you slept with your boyfriend in college, and every time you open a Bible, you feel guilty. Except when Pastor Ben displays that verse about immigrants from the Old Testament! Those are the parts I like! Also, if we are just serving people all the time, you can’t hear the voice of conscience. “Allison” hasn’t truly prayed in a long time.

I think these millennial women are kinda soft on homosexuality because when those people tell dating stories, it’s kinda like watching Notting Hill or How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days over and over again. “Allison” and “Bryce” don’t have any kids. Oh, goodness, no! So scary! You don’t want them buying a minivan and thinking about the future. They’ve already got 4 dogs to think about, and it’s pretty much the same, right? [Nota Bene: I love dogs. Don’t get it twisted.]



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