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5 Things To Do When Your Hated Rival Advances to the Elite Eight of the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament

5. Crack open a Coke, and turn up the Bolton. [Oh, geez.--ed.] Get off me.

4. Swear at the other squad of 21 and 22 year-olds, then hang your head in shame.

3. Ignore the Men's NCAA Tournament, until such time that said hated rival is humiliated.

2. Wonder where unethical Nixon cronies are when you need them.

1. Cry.

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