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I miss the old days. Close friends just a button-push away. That seems like lifetimes ago. Think I'd ask for some advice now. The "fan club" met together on Saturday when I was hoping to see her. The wrong one asked me to the movies. I said OK. It's "Brave," that new Disney/Pixar movie. It looks good. I'll go and have a good time. I think the one I like knows. [Why don't you just tell her?--ed.] How well has that worked out? I was just thinking today that I'm too old to play games, and too young not to care.
Sorry to complain. I've done a lot of complaining. It gets in your head, being alone. I've felt really insecure about it and I've put it on others sometimes. I'm so sorry about that. I've been talking to "Mom" and St. Therese about the whole thing. I know they're holding me up so I don't lose my steps. You can take shortcuts, but the thing about Satan's shortcuts is they never make you happy, and they are dead ends. I've never been so sure of anything.
Quite frankly, I was gonna go on a retreat to discern what my vocation is. I told God He can have everything that I am. I know that another person isn't going to make me happy. But I also sense that some part of me is reaching out to someone. I don't know if that person I'm thinking about so much is her. It'd be a little silly to be so sure that it was. But it could be. It's not physical; it's not passions. At least not completely. Once you persist in prayer this long, those are just drops in a bucket. Who knows, I could still fall. But why would I snatch a gift that may well come to me? Isn't this like the younger son who demanded his share of the inheritance? No, Lord, I'm finding out what the plan is if it kills me.
I don't think I have anything left to discern. I am someone's husband, someone's father. It seems like a crazy plan, given all the challenges. I guess I'd better get some money. It never seemed so near as it does now.

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