Skip to main content

Weird Night At Mass

I went at 5:30 with Mr. Ackerman and Cam. We sprung forward last night, so the light was high. It really is magical when you know spring is upon us, and it's balmy. The priest was passionate and memorable. I sort of ignored the music, because it didn't really help anything.

The readings were about reconciliation, and I realized that I needed it to be Laetare Sunday. I don't really think it's been much of a pious Lent for me, but the penitence of the season is wearing on me. We've been through a lot. There is no such thing as mere formality in the Church of Jesus Christ; the people who say this have never been truly Catholic in their lives. We are knitted together on every level, and I almost wish I was being sentimental.

I was fine until he said, "For these prayers--and the ones unspoken that well up in our minds and hearts..." That wasn't the only thing that was welling up. I have never felt such a yearning sadness in my whole life. It almost knocked me over. Don't let anyone ever tell you that time heals all wounds. I've never heard a worse lie. Grace does. Love does. But let's cut the crap. I'm not OK, and I can't even bother pretending.

"Give us this day our daily bread"--and that's all it was. I go on, because I have little choice.

I didn't want this to be so heavy; I'm sorry. I want to give you hope. If I had any extra, I'd share. The only thing I have to say is that there are two phrases that cannot be overused: "I love you" and "I'm sorry."

"All things," eh? I want that.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Thoughts On The Harrison Butker Commencement Speech

Update: I read the whole thing. I’m sorry, but what a weirdo. I thought you [Tom Darrow, of Denver, CO] made a trenchant case for why lockdowns are bad, and I definitely appreciated it. But a graduation speech is *not* the place for that. Secondly, this is an august event. It always is. I would never address the President of the United States in this manner. Never. Even the previous president, though he deserves it, if anyone does. Thirdly, the affirmations of Catholic identity should be more general. He has no authority to propound with specificity on all matters of great consequence. It has all the hallmarks of a culture war broadside, and again, a layman shouldn’t speak like this. The respect and reverence due the clergy is *always due,* even if they are weak, and outright wrong. We just don’t brush them aside like corrupt Mafia dons, to make a point. Fourthly, I don’t know where anyone gets the idea that the TLM is how God demands to be worshipped. The Church doesn’t teach that. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Dear Alyse

 Today, you’re 35. Or at least you would be, in this place. You probably know this, but we’re OK. Not great, but OK. We know you wouldn’t want us moping around and weeping all the time. We try not to. Actually, I guess part of the problem is that you didn’t know how much we loved you. And that you didn’t know how to love yourself. I hope you have gotten to Love by now. Not a place, but fills everything in every way. I’m not Him, but he probably said, “Dear daughter/sister, you have been terribly hard on yourself. Rest now, and be at peace.” Anyway, teaching is going well, and I tell the kids all about you. They all say you are pretty. I usually can keep the boys from saying something gross for a few seconds. Mom and I are going to the game tonight. And like 6 more times, before I go back to South Carolina. I have seen Nicky twice, but I myself haven’t seen your younger kids. Bob took pictures of the day we said goodbye, and we did a family picture at the Abbey. I literally almost a...
Post a Comment
Read more

A Friend I Once Had, And The Dogmatic Principle

 I once had a friend, a dear friend, who helped me with personal care needs in college. Reformed Presbyterian to the core. When I was a Reformed Presbyterian, I visited their church many times. We were close. I still consider his siblings my friends. (And siblings in the Lord.) Nevertheless, when I began to consider the claims of the Catholic Church to be the Church Christ founded, he took me out to breakfast. He implied--but never quite stated--that we would not be brothers, if I sought full communion with the Catholic Church. That came true; a couple years later, I called him on his birthday, as I'd done every year for close to ten of them. He didn't recognize my number, and it was the most strained, awkward phone call I have ever had. We haven't spoken since. We were close enough that I attended the rehearsal dinner for his wedding. His wife's uncle is a Catholic priest. I remember reading a blog post of theirs, that early in their relationship, she told him of the p...
Post a Comment
Read more