Scrupulosity is an excessive fear of having offended God, or the belief that what I have done renders me beyond God's mercy. Believe it or not, I have struggled with this. It's a species of pride.
Last night, as I was contemplating the superabundance of God in various blessings--and noting ruefully that there must be some mistake--something just clicked. "Where do I get off, telling Jesus he made a mistake?" You see, my friends, Jesus didn't wait until any of us were "acceptably spiritual." Indeed, what does the Scripture say? "God shows his own love for us in this: that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Think about that, now. Are we trying to tell Jesus he doesn't know what he's gotten himself into? On the face of it, it's absurd.
Do you think someone who hasn't received Confession in 40 years may have some shame?
And that's another thing: All these ex-Catholics out there proclaiming the "good news" of once-for-all justification and forgiveness, what are you supposed to do when the thing you keep doing is eating you up inside? The one thing you know for sure is that you don't love Him as much as he loves you. But Christ, the ever-willing Victim, never has and never will change his mind about how far he's willing to go for you and me. Therefore, every failure honestly confessed is an honest plea: "Help me to understand the depth of Your love for me!" And then hope becomes pointed and sharp like Jacob: "I won't let go, until you bless me!" We're not running on a sacramental treadmill of fear; we're in the presence of the Lord, staying with Him on the mountain, until we shine like the sun!
Last night, as I was contemplating the superabundance of God in various blessings--and noting ruefully that there must be some mistake--something just clicked. "Where do I get off, telling Jesus he made a mistake?" You see, my friends, Jesus didn't wait until any of us were "acceptably spiritual." Indeed, what does the Scripture say? "God shows his own love for us in this: that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Think about that, now. Are we trying to tell Jesus he doesn't know what he's gotten himself into? On the face of it, it's absurd.
Do you think someone who hasn't received Confession in 40 years may have some shame?
And that's another thing: All these ex-Catholics out there proclaiming the "good news" of once-for-all justification and forgiveness, what are you supposed to do when the thing you keep doing is eating you up inside? The one thing you know for sure is that you don't love Him as much as he loves you. But Christ, the ever-willing Victim, never has and never will change his mind about how far he's willing to go for you and me. Therefore, every failure honestly confessed is an honest plea: "Help me to understand the depth of Your love for me!" And then hope becomes pointed and sharp like Jacob: "I won't let go, until you bless me!" We're not running on a sacramental treadmill of fear; we're in the presence of the Lord, staying with Him on the mountain, until we shine like the sun!
Comments
That's a plea I constantly make. The more I try to understand God, the more befuddling and confounding he is. I think God is the ultimate, most complex lover a person can have, regardless of one's state in life. One minute lavishing so much love and a minute later playing hard to get. It's both exhilarating and perplexing at the same time.