I don't mean to say they don't have a place. They do. Drama is good. And sometimes a longer running time is just necessary. But I think Serious Films are like beer or kale: we're all pretending to like them, because nobody wants to break first. It's like a game of chicken, over dumb things.
Wes Anderson makes weird movies. They're comedic, in a sense. You're not allowed to laugh like at a comedy show. You chuckle awkwardly, and salute the irony. It's some kind of surrealism, but let's be honest: if you met these characters, you'd call the cops, or some doctors.
The longer a movie goes, the more Serious it is. It can't win an Oscar, unless someone is black, brown, and/or gay, unless a white person learns a lesson. In which case, the underrepresented characters will be utterly ignored in terms of development.
Under no circumstances will a Serious Film be popular with ordinary people. If a film is popular with ordinary people, it must be simply bad. Any heartfelt emotion is simply maudlin, because it's not an Approved Story with Approved People.
No one is allowed to be happy in a Serious Film, unless a character or characters is breaking Oppressive Rules. Oppressive Rules are anything that people agreed on as obviously true 30 years ago.
A Serious Film gets bonus points if some character previously a Rule Follower commits adultery on an exotic vacation, and/or stops being a Christian, especially in favor of something that sounds vaguely spiritual, but which allows them to do what they wanted to do.
The music in a Serious Film must either be sad and classical to reflect the Seriousness, or it must be indie rock that only 500 people have ever listened to. The indie rock reflects the youthfulness and righteous correctness of some Rule Breakers that are about do something stupid.
Speaking of that, "coming of age" means sex. Every single time. Young people having sex (or genital contact, let's say) whilst breaking Oppressive Rules. If the 1950s are portrayed, the hero will be breaking Oppressive Rules, and encouraging others to do so. If somehow the hero does not openly subvert all social convention, the hero must be a persecuted homosexual.
If any happy, normal, intact family with children is portrayed positively, and the parents do not die, the parents in a Serious Film will lead the children into breaking Oppressive Rules, probably in regard to sexuality.
If the central hero in a Serious Film cannot endure the Oppressive Rules, and cannot quietly subvert them, the hero will commit suicide. This must never be portrayed negatively. If the other characters struggle with the new reality, they must either curse the Oppressive Rules, or come to terms with it, along with their friends, by celebrating the dead person's life. Also, they must recommit themselves to breaking Oppressive Rules in honor of their dead comrade.
Far and away the prototype Serious Film of my generation is Dead Poets Society. Though I oddly love this film, it is the most pretentious, preachy, incorrect film I've seen. It was pretty popular with ordinary people, I guess. Oh, well. I can't be right about everything.
In 2002, it was decided that Dead Poets Society would be re-made with young women. It was not in strict terms a reboot, so you may have seen it under the title, "Mona Lisa Smile." In addition to being preachy and false, it lacked the mesmerizing acting of the original, so it added the additional sin of being soul-crushingly boring.
All this has only gotten worse.
Wes Anderson makes weird movies. They're comedic, in a sense. You're not allowed to laugh like at a comedy show. You chuckle awkwardly, and salute the irony. It's some kind of surrealism, but let's be honest: if you met these characters, you'd call the cops, or some doctors.
The longer a movie goes, the more Serious it is. It can't win an Oscar, unless someone is black, brown, and/or gay, unless a white person learns a lesson. In which case, the underrepresented characters will be utterly ignored in terms of development.
Under no circumstances will a Serious Film be popular with ordinary people. If a film is popular with ordinary people, it must be simply bad. Any heartfelt emotion is simply maudlin, because it's not an Approved Story with Approved People.
No one is allowed to be happy in a Serious Film, unless a character or characters is breaking Oppressive Rules. Oppressive Rules are anything that people agreed on as obviously true 30 years ago.
A Serious Film gets bonus points if some character previously a Rule Follower commits adultery on an exotic vacation, and/or stops being a Christian, especially in favor of something that sounds vaguely spiritual, but which allows them to do what they wanted to do.
The music in a Serious Film must either be sad and classical to reflect the Seriousness, or it must be indie rock that only 500 people have ever listened to. The indie rock reflects the youthfulness and righteous correctness of some Rule Breakers that are about do something stupid.
Speaking of that, "coming of age" means sex. Every single time. Young people having sex (or genital contact, let's say) whilst breaking Oppressive Rules. If the 1950s are portrayed, the hero will be breaking Oppressive Rules, and encouraging others to do so. If somehow the hero does not openly subvert all social convention, the hero must be a persecuted homosexual.
If any happy, normal, intact family with children is portrayed positively, and the parents do not die, the parents in a Serious Film will lead the children into breaking Oppressive Rules, probably in regard to sexuality.
If the central hero in a Serious Film cannot endure the Oppressive Rules, and cannot quietly subvert them, the hero will commit suicide. This must never be portrayed negatively. If the other characters struggle with the new reality, they must either curse the Oppressive Rules, or come to terms with it, along with their friends, by celebrating the dead person's life. Also, they must recommit themselves to breaking Oppressive Rules in honor of their dead comrade.
Far and away the prototype Serious Film of my generation is Dead Poets Society. Though I oddly love this film, it is the most pretentious, preachy, incorrect film I've seen. It was pretty popular with ordinary people, I guess. Oh, well. I can't be right about everything.
In 2002, it was decided that Dead Poets Society would be re-made with young women. It was not in strict terms a reboot, so you may have seen it under the title, "Mona Lisa Smile." In addition to being preachy and false, it lacked the mesmerizing acting of the original, so it added the additional sin of being soul-crushingly boring.
All this has only gotten worse.
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