Safe Haven

Who can switch to Dolly Parton from Guns 'N Roses without a thought? JK can! Anyway, I ate at the fancy-pants Eurocafe where my brother serves. I admit it, it was awesome. I got a chicken piandini pizza, whatever that means. I met Greg's new girlfriend. She's foxy in a "Too Bad You're Not Catholic" sort of way. She said she gave up on church, whatever that means. She's funny and very nice. She only swears occasionally, and I don't think she minds that I am quite observant. Oh, and she's Republican! No wonder he didn't think it was long-term. Commie. Her name's Maureen. [What is she, 85?--ed.] No, jerk. We had a good time chatting about how I've gone from, "I'd rather vote for Santorum's kitty-cat than you" to, "How many times do you want the lawn mowed, Mr. Romney?" Apparently, Greg had never heard that Obama and the old Democratic Congress spent more money in a year than that paragon of fiscal virtue, Geo...

I should probably have a category for people I disagree with that I read all the time/find mildly annoying/capable of sending me into a sputtering rage without the love of Christ guiding me. Rachel Held Evans is joining that informal list, where she joins such luminaries as Dr. Anthony Bradley, Geraldine Ferraro (RIP), Robert Wright, Al Gore, and others. Her blog is nearly always interesting and provocative, and I have enjoyed many recent posts. I have always liked how she skewers/critiques/snipes at evangelical culture. I can appreciate the discovery that evangelicalism has a lot of holes and blind-spots; I sympathize, because it does. Heck, it's a word no one can define, anyway. It's like trying to hug fog, or hit The Greatest when he was young. You can't use words you can't define, or at least you ought not. Anyway, is she anywhere close to sure that she knows the definitions of the words she uses in the linked post? I'm not. If she wanted to probe my attitude...

The irritating part of the Catholic Church's claim to be the church Christ founded is that she doesn't say, "Here's our delightful best guess about matters of faith and morals, and we'll take our place among the family of churches." She says, "This is the Church." She's happy to show the proof, but she doesn't back down. I was so used to doctrinal relativity and plurality that I couldn't grasp the entirety of what she was saying, and even when I did, I wondered how people could believe such things. But for the sake of intellectual honesty, I set aside the presumption that the leaders I followed HAD to be correct. I figured if the Catholic Church would make such strong claims, she had to have evidence. If it was false, that, again, would be pretty obvious. But it isn't. In fact, before I had submitted to the Catholic Church as that which Christ founded, I was forced to concede that the claim itself is reasonable. More than reasonable....

5 More Snark Nuggets 5. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't baptize him in the name of the Trinity. 4. I have enjoyed this wide-ranging and idiosyncratic conversation about your political philosophy derived from a graphic novel, and I wish you well in your fruitful apostolate as a blithering idiot. 3. I'm no expert, but I don't think "the spirit of Vatican II" is supposed to make the liturgy look like a Kool and the Gang video. 2. I'm just thinking out loud here, but maybe extraordinary ministers of Communion should be male so we're not tempted to ask for their phone numbers after Mass. 1. Again, I'm no biblical scholar, but if your recessional hymn during Easter sounds like a funeral dirge, you've missed the point.

5 Delicious Snark-Nuggets For May 5. If I'm supposed to keep my Rosaries off your ovaries, keep your dictates off my prelates. 4. It's Biden we're deridin'     But there's Confession for backslidin'     From the bishop you been hidin'     That long black train you've been ridin'     Will wreck eventually. 3. There really is no polite way to say, "You're headed straight for Hell," but it may be true in any one case. 2. Dare I say it, but "Do we have a valid Eucharist?" is a more important question than, "Do we have a youth group?" 1. I don't care if you like Def Leppard, and that you value "community," if you're not sent from the Apostles, kindly button your face. Furthermore, I'd like to introduce you to my hot single friend, "RCIA." She's very persuasive.

I just realized what I'm called to be in this world: I want to be the next Andy Rooney. [You want to be a joyless liberal hack who's on TV way too long?--ed.] Um, no. Well not the 'joyless liberal hack' part. Do you realize still that the funniest book we ever read was Andy Rooney? Back in 1999. At the St. Louis Community College library. Back when that girl from grade school was still attractive (no offense) and I briefly considered lifting the "ban"? Ahem. Nevermind. The point is, life is either horribly sad, or completely ridiculous, and someone should say so. [No in between?--ed.] Not really. What is the greatest thing to happen in the entire universe, ever? "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (I'm including Christ's glorious resurrection in that.) Given the fact that every single person born after the first sin and the first sinners themselves would be on a bullet train straight to Hell apart from the mercy of God, and that...

I can't see anything. I misplaced my glasses, which reinforces the point of my first sentence. What a vicious cycle that is! I was tempted to punch Bree the Weather Lady on Newschannel 5, because she interrupted the third and deciding period in the Capitals-Rangers hockey game to tell us about a hailstorm in bloody Illinois (no offense). When they had returned to the game, it was 3-1 Rangers with 2:30 left. Let me emphasize that it was a PLAYOFF hockey game. Tell you what: Unless the storm is on top of my house during the Blues game, I don't want to know. If the storm is truly awful, our TVs won't work anyway. Someone died when the same hailstorm lifted up the metal patio on the roof of a sports bar downtown. It is very sad, BUT WHY ARE YOU OUTSIDE IN A HAILSTORM?!? Anyway, big sports day in town. People might wonder why St. Louis is such a successful sports city. After all, the Cardinals have won 11 World Series titles in baseball, second only to the New York Yankees. Th...

She's right , you know. Women as such have nothing to do with this. Men are searching for the term that fits what they are feeling, what they are describing, and it's not enough. But they sense weakness, indecision, equivocation, compromise. And having been locked in the same cultural epistemic prison as the feminists they despise, they call the problem 'feminization.' But just as 'gender' is a stupid, imprecise word that means to undermine the very words we are trying to define, so are the terms used in this discussion. Does 'male and female' really mean something? Do these terms refer to something real? How many times have you heard, "Maleness or femaleness is a useless cultural construct"? A lot, right? Put it another way: The universal terms we might apply don't refer accurately to this thing or that; all that matters are the particulars. Ockham called; he wants his philosophy back. And when American men express frustration at the thing...

I understand that I am a sci-fi geek. I also understand that I will never be cool. But I also understand that science fiction can function like a modern-day parable, a way to say things that might not get said in the highly contentious atmosphere that is our nation and world today. Actually, TV and movies are uniquely positioned to function like this simply as technologies. How fitting that science fiction would be so well-carried by mediums which were once the stuff of science fiction. Anyway, this clip kind of inspires me today. Great show with thoughtful writing cancelled before its time. [It was on 5 years.--ed.] Still.

I took an exam tonight. Fundamental Theology. Welcome to the Catholic Church! You can learn an entire semester's worth of theology without touching a Bible. [Ha! I knew it!--ed.] Simmer down. There has to be a bridge between the truths of reason and the dogmas of faith. Enter Fundamental Theology. But we're not denying the Bible; we're dealing with the preambles to faith first. Duh. That's what you would do if you weren't a fundie. [Pagan.--ed.] Fideist. [Bread-worshipper.--ed.] Eucharist denier. [Ecclesiolator.--ed.] Schismatic. Anyway, I was thinking about humor. We were discussing absurdity in class not long ago, and our teacher said that two main reactions to absurdity exist: laughter and sadness. Personally, I've had too much of the sadness lately for my taste. I digress. "Humor...it is a difficult concept." "We learn by doing." Oh, dear, a Trek-gression has occurred! I hate it when that happens. What is the difference between good humor...

5 Thoughts For Today 5. Don't have meetings about people who offend you when they're not there. Long ago, this was called "gossip," and it's definitely on the biblical List of Things Not To Do. 4. Don't read theology in a cold house with no shoes on. 3. Don't pray in the dark; you'll lose count. (Let the Protestant understand) 2. I don't understand people who talk in cars with music on, or that change the station in the middle of the song. 1. Death doesn't care what you left unsaid.

Late-Night Haiku Somethingorother Fundie is your name, Need you a real good ‘ism’ Can you say ‘schism’?

A friend recently said, "I'm Protestant; can you live with it?" The only reply I can make is, "Can you?" We spent all our days arguing with fundamentalists who truncated the gospel; the God of grace had shown us more and more of his fullness; what could we do but take it? And yet, what are the Reformers, if not the truncators of the gospel, in the end? As it grew, people found more and more ways to exclude each other, while claiming to "stand for the gospel." In an open and free-wheeling time of ecumenism, it is easy and simple to forget the firm commitments our forefathers made; it was nothing like this creedal minimalism so in fashion today. In fact, it might have seemed terribly Catholic, but for the fact that its movers and shakers claimed an interpretive authority that belonged to the Church. I can't sign on to the faith vs. works dichotomy, because it's not about that. It is about charity as a theological virtue; it is about the anthropo...

Just a clarifying comment, if I may, from a discussion in the comments: One cannot re-unite himself to "pre-Trent Catholicism," because that doesn't exist. The Council of Trent is an ecumenical council of Christ's Church. A child of that Church, then, submits himself to that Council unequivocally as a matter of divine faith. The later Councils (say, Vatican I and Vatican II) may express the deepening understanding of God's People (properly speaking) but the Councils cannot be placed in opposition to one another. An ecumenical council, the fullest and most solemn engagement of the Church's authority, is true as such. The bishops of the Church, united with their head, the successor of Peter, guided by the Holy Spirit, discern God's will for his people. The only proper response to the determinations of the Council is submission, to the pope, to one's bishop, and to the priests united to that bishop.

What to do when you are arguably the greatest goalie in the history of hockey, you're 39, and you've had the worst game of your career? Follow it up with your best.

I've discovered something interesting about myself and blogging: You can't really say what comes right to mind, despite what blogging is. "Blog" is shorthand for "weblog," which had been short for, "web-based online journal." A little pet-peeve, if I may. Particular entries on a blog are entries, or "posts," in the common speech. They are not, contra a beloved evangelical leader who shall remain nameless, called blogs themselves. Correction: He's not beloved, except maybe by me. He's a disturber and a troublemaker, and that's why I like him. I probably had to turn in my evangelical card and decoder ring, but I still enjoy making as much trouble for people as possible. It's a trouble we need right now. I can see you, you know. You've got your ESV Bible, your seminary acceptance letter in hand, an impressive array of checkered shirts, and a habit of saying "context" way too many times. But maybe you didn'...

A sad day.

I may have done something foolish. This dude wanted to sell me life insurance. Actually, he was just the phone guy. I'm too nice to hang up on the poor guy. When he gave way to the actual agent, she was a twenty-something girl with a Southern accent. She could have sold me a car. I can cancel it within 60 days and not pay a dime. $25 gas card just for being a good sport. I'll play. Anyway, I'm off to watch St. Louis Blues playoff hockey! WOOOOO! Let's go Blues!

Note to Self: It's time to lay the ground for reading Flannery O'Connor. I always said I would; it just hasn't happened. You can't actually do anything unless you make a plan and stick to it. So the plan is made. Or, if you like, "Mr. Scott, the word is given." I hope I'm not too maudlin to appreciate her. I mean, I get misty watching "That's What Friends Are For" and "Beaches," for pete's sake. [You're just in love with Barbara Hershey.--ed.] Guilty as charged! And Madeleine Stowe . Especially in "Playing By Heart." Ahem. Anyway, Flannery O' Connor. I am Catholic, after all.

I found an old address on my desk, buried under the clutter. What pain occasioned its finding! Let no one dare tell me the sadness will pass. Even if Augustine lost the friend who was not a friend--and I thought long about whether I had done likewise--it cannot be. I loved purely and truly. Everything but the painful words uttered in selfishness I would do again. And I cannot deny this, even if I wanted to.