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I've become aware today that it's Captain Jack's birthday. I'm too in awe of him to add him as a Facebook friend, to be perfectly frank. He's probably the best teacher I've ever had, and I've had a lot of them. More than that, he leaves one thinking, "I want to be like that guy." I have fantasies of being at the forefront of a conspiracy to convert him and have him teach in several Catholic institutions. Wouldn't the squishiness of American Catholicism drop by a factor of five instantaneously? Yes, from one guy. He's Scott Hahn on steroids.

Of course, the Politiburo--er, I mean, the CDF--will have to encourage the good doctor to align his scriptural views to that of Mother Church, but I am certain this could be done.

If you've never had Captain Jack as a teacher, you wouldn't get it. But I do. So does Confirmation Sponsor Guy. If there were any good reason to stay Reformed, it would be to remain in the same ecclesiastical structure as Captain Jack. But such is the power of God and the motives of credibility that even so great a man could not keep me from seeking communion with the Church. I want you to really think about that, now. You Catholics don't know, but you should. Maybe there can be an exchange program or something. I would love for Catholic seminarians or PhD students in theology to experience what it's like to sail with Captain Jack.

I use that name for two reasons: so my familiar readers know exactly who I'm talking about without giving away his identity or anything like that, and to allude solemnly to the fictional teacher that he reminds me of: John Keating, from Dead Poets' Society. I'm sure those of you who've seen the movie recall the classic scene where the boys stand on their desks and exclaim, "O Captain, my Captain!" This is exactly what it's like to be a student of his. You don't even realize that you're being inspired, made more complete as a human being, until it's over. Sure, there's the funny quips and odd assignments. No one would deny that it's a good time. But weeks and months later, even years, you think back and say, "I'm privileged that I was there to be taught by him."

So, on his birthday, I thought you should know. I've got a million reasons not to be triumphalistic about being Catholic. But a huge one is the Captain. It may well be that I remained in schism longer because of him. But I don't regret it, and I never will.

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