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If You Say So

You don't choose the things that happen to you, for the most part. They just happen. I can't say that  one particular suffering is terribly spiritual, either. It's stupid, and senseless, and frustrating. So if I believe I'm sharing in the sufferings of Christ, it's not as some hero or martyr; it's as someone who has no other choice. Where else would I put my life, but bound up with his?

If somehow it is good for someone that my name is a reproach, then let it be the foulest name ever spoken. I know myself, and so does He. I will not stop loving and praying; I know that even this has been a battle; I've taken some wrong steps. But I am Jason Kettinger, and that's a good person to be.

He says that the sufferings of this life are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed in us; I want that. He says there will be no more tears; I can't even fathom that, but OK.

This is just a little thing; others struggle with much greater things. But to me, it has been a mountain. I would rather break every bone in my body; I would rather take any physical pain the demons could dream up. Yet not my will, but yours, O Lord.

I love you all, my friends.

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