Safe Haven

Among other things, I am a total Fanilow. There's just something about the frankness, the undiluted emotion, that appeals to me. When we get to Heaven, God won't take our Love and say, "Too sappy." I suppose when feeling gets too much, it's misdirected or unmoored from reality. That said, rock on, Barry! I am a huge Fantorum, too, if you hadn't noticed. Even if they hadn't told us he was Italian, you can figure it out. That's a masculine genitive plural (Latin) run amok. What do you figure the family name was in Italy? I say, 'Santore.' I love your sweaters, your ill-informed economic policies, (sort of) your snark, and your faith. It kills me. I haven't been this enthusiastic since Bush-Gore. This is how you do 'establishment,' GOP. I went from, "He's better than Romney" to, "Show me the wall, and I'll run through it" Mode. We're going toward Easter, and the supreme demonstration (and vindication) of...

5 Thoughts Before The Arizona Republican Debate 5. Ari Fleischer is a smart dude. 4. James Carville is likable at least on TV, despite his belief in all sorts of progressive lunacy. 3. I hate CNN, but Erin Burnett could make me switch networks. Ahem. 2. It's your time, Rick. Don't screw it up. 1. Go Santorum!

The thing that bothers me the most about William Placher's "Readings in the History of Christian Theology" (volume 1 of 2) is that his ecclesiology (Protestant, invisible) leads him to say dangerous things about Christology that, at best, are confusing. I guess when you don't/can't construe determinations of a valid Ecumenical Council (with no clear definition or necessity to define what that actually means, see paragraph 884 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church) as true as such, you end up with 'gems' like this: "'Monophysite' Christians still survive in the Coptic Church of Egypt, and 'Nestorian' Christians spread throughout much of Asia, but the Chalcedonian compromise set the terms of orthodoxy for most Christians." (49) Are you trying to be equivocal on the meaning of the word "Christian"? It's not by accident that monophysitism is a heresy . Good grief. Look, I get it; not even all 'Nestorians' are a...

I'm sitting here on Ash Wednesday. I'm not going to be able to go to Mass, but I am refraining from meat today. I wonder how serious No Meat Fridays are in Lent? Is it more important than other Fridays? I don't usually keep that custom/discipline. Quite frankly, I'll probably need some sort of edict from the Archbishop to start, because not eating meat is so unnatural to me. One time, I went an entire meal without eating meat, because it all was suffused with cheese/onions/something gross, but that was not a willing choice. Anyway, I didn't come here to tell you that. I should probably piously comment on this , but I didn't come here to tell you that, either. Oh, fine. I don't think Catholic apologists and other leaders should tease Catholics about the penances they impose on themselves. Sure, they might seem weak from the outside, but not to the person who chose it. The good I have chosen to lay aside has been a gateway to anger and frustration at times, an...

5 Thoughts While Reading St. Irenaeus 5. He may be irenic, but he doesn't put up with heresy. 4. He says there would still be a rule of faith even if the Apostles had not written anything. 3. Seriously, I think he had a dog named 'Paradosis.' 2. On the other hand, he says you can refute the heretics with the Scriptures. 1. I have no idea what these heretics are talking about, but it sounds like they made a mean fruit salad.

Before I take an exam laughably called, "Fundamental Theology," (we'll get to that shortly) let me reach out as the slightly older brother to the RCIA class at the Cathedral Basilica of St. Louis. It's February now, getting toward Easter, and the night you will (God willing) be received into the loving arms of Mother Church. I don't know most of you, and you don't know me, but my name is Jason, and I sat right where you sit each Monday night. I have been bribed with the same cookies, allegedly read the same books, prayed the same prayers, and sported the same befuddled look as you do about 56% percent of the time. You need to know that I pray for you often. Some of you have oddball reasons for being where you are, and that's OK. There's nothing they haven't heard. Some of you may be currently Protestant, and wondering what sort of funny joke this might be. Some of you want to become Catholic, but are not sure you can. I understand. I really do. In ...

Well, it sure looks like the regular folks in the GOP are lining up behind Rick Santorum. We know that I'm totally sold out on Santorum. I love him. No, seriously. You may be saying to yourself, "What would make an anti-authoritarian libertarian ideologue who couldn't even stomach McCain vote for Mr. Big Government Santorum?" I'm glad you asked. This is the best I can do, so here goes: There are two kinds of "establishment" candidates; the first kind rankles any normal person who can lay legitimate claim to having a conservative thought. He's the kind of candidate whose version of balance and electability is to capitulate to Democratic/socialist/progressive ideology only in part and in completely random fashion, such that one's own supporters want to strangle one. (McCain fits here, but in his defense, 2000 McCain was 1000 times worse than the 2008 version.) Think Nixon or Ford. People that provoke rightist third parties, and cause barely literat...

5 Thoughts For Today 5. Good idea to reverse yourself on adding Knicks point guard Jeremy Lin to the NBA All-Star festivities. Everybody wants to see what the kid can do. 4. I'm not terribly surprised he's doing so well. He played for Tommy Amaker at Harvard--Duke alumnus and awesome coach--so it's not completely preposterous. 3. Spring training for Major League Baseball is about to get under way...Go Cards! 2. The Democrats and their media allies (we'll keep saying that until you close the revolving door between Democratic campaigns and TV news, and oh, I don't know, report the news fairly) are starting to get their knives out for Rick Santorum. Buckle up, sir. 1. MMMM, bacon!

5 Humorous Self-Observations 5. I'm drinking in every one of my Facebook photos. 4. I can manipulate pixellated facsimilies of professional athletes for 9 hours, but I can't read philosophy for 5 minutes. 3. I can sing like Smokey Robinson when no one is around, but I sound like a wounded frog in church. [It's those horrid Catholic hymns.--ed.] 2. I'm probably the only person in America whose presidential voting history goes Bush-Bush-Obama-Santorum (God-willing). 1. I can remember Ozzie Smith's batting average from 1987, (.303) but I can't remember where I put my keys.

Mr. Winfield introduced me to a Polish composer named Gorecki (pronounce it like The Great One bought a vowel) via his 3rd Symphony, I think. It was the saddest piece of music I have ever heard. Let's just say the timing was fortunate. I'll bet murdering doctors use this piece to convince people to do what they shouldn't. I made a mental note not to listen to it just any time. Speaking of murdering doctors, our fictional friend Dr. Yang conviced her husband not to hate her in the most recent episode of 'Grey's Anatomy.' He was gonna move out, but it looks like they might reconcile. I'm not sure how I feel about this. For his part, Dr. Hunt reached out to his wife because he saved her life earlier in the episode, and because his good friend, Dr. Theodora 'Teddy' Altman won't speak to him anymore. Yang lost Teddy's husband on the operating table, and Dr. Hunt ordered Yang to assist with a surgery of Altman's without telling her what had ha...

There's this new thing called Spotify, where you can stream music of your choice on the computer. I found it through Facebook. Mr. Hall says I lack the good sense to keep those popular music skeletons in my closet, although he noted that at least I don't waste energy trying to be ironic (hipster). But I noticed that Facebook started telling people what I was listening to, and although I'm proud to like what I like, there are limits. I want to listen to my Bolton and Lady Gaga in peace. [Isn't that Bolton ironic?--ed.] It might have had the possibility of starting out that way, but I saw him on Dancing With The Stars, and I knew that they'd make him sing for the finale. When he did, he sang a mind-blowing rendition of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah." I'm serious. He took us to church. Don't even doubt it. Yes, I know it's been covered a million times, yes, it's true that I barely even like it any more as a song. But it was incredible. It re...

" That 's funny right there."

5 Saucy Thoughts for Today 5. If the 'historic Christian church' to which you are referring didn't or doesn't physically exist, it isn't historic, and it's not a Church. 4. Kinda hard to follow the bishop as though following Christ if you don't have one. 3. You can't 'rediscover' your apostolic succession if you started out your existence as an ecclesial community denying its necessity. (Doug Wilson, looking in your direction.) 2. You don't tolerate a great variation of views on the Lord's Supper in your communities; why do you think the early Fathers would? (Keith Mathison, looking in your direction.) 1. The Protestant insistence that we are all "united in the essentials" reminds me of the crafting of the Universal Declaration On Human Rights. The representatives of various nations agreed they could sign the document together, so long as no one asked what each person intended by doing so.

I'm currently shocked by the polls. Colorado shows Romney in the lead, and I had previously said it would signal Romney's eventual victory if he won there. But he's losing Minnesota and Missouri! (I love you, Rick Santorum!) I don't know what to think now. Missouri's lack of delegates is not relevant; as one author said today, it's all about momentum and perception. You are hereby disqualified from JK's presidential consideration if you: 1. Are an Arian; 2. Provide the design specs for 'ObamaCare.' 3. Have been avowedly pro-life for less than 5 years. 4. Get endorsed by John McCain. 5. Look like Mr. Game Show. (Admittedly, the most hilarious toy ever)

I was gloriously wrong about the Super Bowl. Thanks, guys. But you may ask, "JK, what was your favorite commercial during the game?" I'm so glad you asked. Chevy Truck/Manilow/Twinkies. Done and done. Even if it was clearly composed by a fornicating pervert, if you can sit through " Looks Like We Made It " without singing along, you're a soulless cyborg.

That was fast. What horrid things to stand for: the rule of law, and people's lives! For the record, eat it, Planned Parenthood. You don't save lives, you destroy them. Susan G. Komen won't get my support, ever. Congratulations.

5 Thoughts For Today 5. Unfortunately, there is no Christian way to say, "You are a muddle-headed idiot." 4. Let me get this straight: You'll stop supporting the murder of defenseless children in the womb if I support your completely useless and harmful socialistic agenda that makes you feel morally superior for holding it? Gotcha. 3. Mitt Romney? Really? No, seriously? The other 3 Republicans should do an ad together saying, "Pick one of us, just not him." I would fund this, I'm not kidding. 2. There should be another ad mocking Romney as the superhero "Slogan-Man." Tell me this wouldn't be hilarious. Again, if I could, I'd fund this. 1. A quiet rest to the man who made "The Greatest" great.

There are two things I want to talk about. (Debated the colon right there; chose otherwise) First, a Congressman Stearns (R-FL) is investigating whether Planned Parenthood has violated the Hyde Amendment, which prohibits the use of taxpayer funds for abortions. Many people on the anti-life side of the abortion issue (we can do it too) are pointing out the political motivation for such an investigation. To which I say: So what? It's quite irksome when those on one's political "team" are harried for political reasons. We can all say that. And of course, this investigation is the stated reason why the Susan G. Komen Foundation has pulled its grant money to Planned Parenthood, as I'm sure you've heard. It could be a witch-hunt, sure. But to sharpen the point, you'd better believe I was glad when Sen. Leahy of Vermont held hearings on Halliburton, et al. overcharging the government for services in Iraq. It doesn't alter the fact that Sen. Leahy appears to b...

I'm 32 today. It doesn't show. I still kind of feel like a kid. I want to thank everyone for coming out to the house the other night, especially Bryan and Carol. That's a long way to go! [He knows that, from picking you up 8000 times.--ed.] I'd also add that those cookies were/are outrageously good! [They're whole wheat.--ed.] I don't care if they're made from tree bark and plankton, they're fantastic. Mike Jones, Chris Baer, Justin Klein, Jeff Ryan, and my family lingered after most people left. We played this game called, 'Farkle.' You can imagine that my brother and I found some creative uses for that word. Try imagining a guy saying, 'Aw, man, I Farkled!' without chuckling. You're welcome. It reminds me of Yahtzee, but you play with six dice and the rules are a little different. If you meet Jeff, whatever else you can say, you have to say that he doesn't live for this world. In any game of risk or chance, there comes a point o...

Today, we're throwing a party for my birthday, which is in 2 days. As you may recall, I share a birthday with former Vice-President of the United States, Richard B. "Dick" Cheney. It could be worse. In fact, it is. I also share a birthday with former President of the United States, Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Ouch. I invited certain enthusiastic Lutherans to the party, but alas, they suspected a trap, and declined. No, not really. Certain other comrades of the Revolution were also invited, but enamored of their schismatic plotting, they declined as well. I was feeling bad last night, because I hadn't drunk enough water. Deciding that doing so would be a wise course, I imbibed and got into bed. Whenever my mother is talking about (or doing) something morally questionable, she raises her voice and refers to her Jesus-loving son, or something like that. Last night, she went with, "committed Catholic son," which pleased me greatly, though I am a dirt-bag. For som...