Skip to main content
I'm sitting here on the verge of what could be a very important day, and it causes me to reflect on those times when what I wanted got in the way of what is best. We've all been selfish before, and we've all made complete fools of ourselves. And I still feel the pain of having done that once, and forgiveness and reconciliation were not forthcoming. Maybe they will never be. And on the one hand, I was wrong; I made a mistake. There's no hiding it. And my insecurities as a person I tried to hand off, even blame, on someone else. Even if I hoped to find support, it was a lot. It was too much.
I absolutely meant what I said in my apology written here, and I still do. And even though I'm ready and willing to wait until the New Heavens and New Earth for that reconciliation to come, it obviously still bothers me really deeply. Or I wouldn't be talking about it.
And I do need to say I'm angry about it. I'm proud enough that my reputation means a great deal to me. In my anger, I could pretend that this false opinion, this impression, this breach has no impact on me, but it does. To be frank about it, there hasn't been a day when I haven't thought about it. The deep mourning has subsided, largely. But the scar abides. There isn't a single day I don't hope for a postcard, or a call, or something. Even if I think that person has been unfair. Even if my hurt and anger wouldn't be far away. I've been gifted with the tendrest of hearts, and a gift for expressing what that heart feels in words. (I think.) You could not imagine what I would say, the sorrow I would express! Probably that letter will end up in a book, but it will be written, I'm simply warning you all now. Probably on the lips of one of my characters. But it will be spoken.
You do not know how many times I thought to rebel, to break the silence imposed upon me. But I haven't, out of respect. And so many times, I wanted someone other than God and the saints to share the hurt with, but there are too many bonds between us; it wouldn't be fair to any of them.
It might even be risky to write it here, but this is Jason Kettinger, relatively unfiltered here. If I can't say it here, I can't say it even to myself.
It happens to everybody, they say. Losing friends. But not to me. At least not before this. And I really don't know what to do. The world really does look a lot drearier now; there is less joy in my heart now. I don't mean to scare you; I'm just being honest. When Jason Kettinger says, "friends forever," he bloody well means it. It's not a yearbook quote, it's the truth. So a part of me has died, but I still live. I just need to say that the pain comes from the hope, and the laughter that was mine in better days. I can picture what I'd say, what I'd do if I could. Do you remember how Joseph couldn't control himself in the presence of his brothers? He wept as only one or two others ever have. So I would be. My heart betrays me even now. Maybe this has become that letter.
I hope and pray that this suffering is useful to You, my Lord Jesus Christ. It is but a pittance compared with the rejection that you felt at our hands, but it is real. Please bring someone joy and comfort by this suffering. Please bring comfort to my friend. Please give me the right words for this other task. Come quickly, and don't leave me behind. Amen.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

My Thoughts On The Harrison Butker Commencement Speech

Update: I read the whole thing. I’m sorry, but what a weirdo. I thought you [Tom Darrow, of Denver, CO] made a trenchant case for why lockdowns are bad, and I definitely appreciated it. But a graduation speech is *not* the place for that. Secondly, this is an august event. It always is. I would never address the President of the United States in this manner. Never. Even the previous president, though he deserves it, if anyone does. Thirdly, the affirmations of Catholic identity should be more general. He has no authority to propound with specificity on all matters of great consequence. It has all the hallmarks of a culture war broadside, and again, a layman shouldn’t speak like this. The respect and reverence due the clergy is *always due,* even if they are weak, and outright wrong. We just don’t brush them aside like corrupt Mafia dons, to make a point. Fourthly, I don’t know where anyone gets the idea that the TLM is how God demands to be worshipped. The Church doesn’t teach that.

Dear Alyse

 Today, you’re 35. Or at least you would be, in this place. You probably know this, but we’re OK. Not great, but OK. We know you wouldn’t want us moping around and weeping all the time. We try not to. Actually, I guess part of the problem is that you didn’t know how much we loved you. And that you didn’t know how to love yourself. I hope you have gotten to Love by now. Not a place, but fills everything in every way. I’m not Him, but he probably said, “Dear daughter/sister, you have been terribly hard on yourself. Rest now, and be at peace.” Anyway, teaching is going well, and I tell the kids all about you. They all say you are pretty. I usually can keep the boys from saying something gross for a few seconds. Mom and I are going to the game tonight. And like 6 more times, before I go back to South Carolina. I have seen Nicky twice, but I myself haven’t seen your younger kids. Bob took pictures of the day we said goodbye, and we did a family picture at the Abbey. I literally almost asked

A Friend I Once Had, And The Dogmatic Principle

 I once had a friend, a dear friend, who helped me with personal care needs in college. Reformed Presbyterian to the core. When I was a Reformed Presbyterian, I visited their church many times. We were close. I still consider his siblings my friends. (And siblings in the Lord.) Nevertheless, when I began to consider the claims of the Catholic Church to be the Church Christ founded, he took me out to breakfast. He implied--but never quite stated--that we would not be brothers, if I sought full communion with the Catholic Church. That came true; a couple years later, I called him on his birthday, as I'd done every year for close to ten of them. He didn't recognize my number, and it was the most strained, awkward phone call I have ever had. We haven't spoken since. We were close enough that I attended the rehearsal dinner for his wedding. His wife's uncle is a Catholic priest. I remember reading a blog post of theirs, that early in their relationship, she told him of the p