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It's The Little Things

It doesn't matter what I feel; if I can pray for someone who has hurt me, if I can ask for a blessing there, I can do almost anything. I know that if anyone had a right to feel angry about alienation, the betrayal, and whatever else, it was Jesus.

So I gave it to him. We shared it together. I fell asleep angry; I woke up angry. Sometimes, I'm angry at people who have nothing to do with it. Today at least, I was able to grab it and talk about it with God. Satan likes to use these feelings to do his evil works in us.

There are all these triggers; I wish they weren't there. I wish I felt differently. But I just feel the way I feel. I don't know or care if I have the right. I simply cannot believe that I wasted my life. That's the hardest part. I can't erase 3 years of my life, and pretend that it didn't happen. The gift of myself, while surely imperfect, was real.

I cannot change the big things; perhaps what has been spoken of me is true; perhaps the result is just. But all my love, at least in this moment, will go into the words that will never be heard, words to the Father.

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