Did you know that I'm not a mind-reader? I do have a great deal of emotional intelligence, I'd say, but there's a big difference between cleverness of a sort, and being a telepath. Anyone who knows me knows I just say what I think. There's a big variance between being frank, and being willfully hurtful, too. Yet I count on people to contextualize what I say with what they know. It doesn't always work, and I'm not even close to being a good friend in so many ways.
I expect a lot of my friends. I expect them to tell me when there is a problem. I expect them to listen to my response, and not just be thinking of the next thing to say. My response may be foolish, unjustified, or otherwise unrealistic, but if your friends don't know you're a fool, they're not your friends.
It's a powerful word: "friend." As outgoingly ENFP as I am, as skilled as I may be at connecting with someone who was previously a complete stranger, I don't use it lightly. At all. I guess it hurts more than anything to know that other people don't mean it the way I do. "Broken friendship" does not exist in my vocabulary. It just doesn't. If we hurt each other, we talk about it, and we forgive. End of story.
I could understand that it might take time. I've been angry before. It's hard. I have taken to using the term "frustrated" when I feel upset about something someone did or said. It seems a tame word at first, but think on it more with me: Aren't you describing some effect within yourself, rather than the thing itself? That is, the good purposes of my life are being frustrated by whatever it is.
Well, I've got one of those things. To be perfectly honest, it's a daily effort, a ritual, to deal with the things that I feel. I still get as angry as I did before. I want to talk about it, but with whom? To what end? So he or she can tell me, "That sucks" or "It's your fault" or whatever they would say? To be honest, I'm not even sure I know exactly what I did wrong. Was it one word, or a series of them? Was a sentiment I expressed unknown or surprising? I don't know.
I searched myself, and I found selfishness instead of open love, and I said so, right here. But I can't say I'd take anything back. What really stinks is, it may have been better to leave it unsaid, but then, I was feeling boxed in that it was unsaid. I thought I could rely on the goodwill I had built. I was wrong.
I am so willful and rebellious, it's a little questionable whether I'll make it to Heaven. But if there is any light from Heaven that shines from me, let me use it to say I'm sorry. But I need it to be known that I'm angry about what has happened. What was done in response did not do justice to me, as I person who put a lot into being a friend. Did I fail? More times than you know. But it was real. I was real. But you can know that I was never mad enough to wish harm, or anything less than blessing. I still pray. I still hope.
Lord, I offer you this suffering for the conversion of sinners, and for the good of the world. You who are all-seeing, see the good in me, and grow it. I ask this through Christ, Amen.
I expect a lot of my friends. I expect them to tell me when there is a problem. I expect them to listen to my response, and not just be thinking of the next thing to say. My response may be foolish, unjustified, or otherwise unrealistic, but if your friends don't know you're a fool, they're not your friends.
It's a powerful word: "friend." As outgoingly ENFP as I am, as skilled as I may be at connecting with someone who was previously a complete stranger, I don't use it lightly. At all. I guess it hurts more than anything to know that other people don't mean it the way I do. "Broken friendship" does not exist in my vocabulary. It just doesn't. If we hurt each other, we talk about it, and we forgive. End of story.
I could understand that it might take time. I've been angry before. It's hard. I have taken to using the term "frustrated" when I feel upset about something someone did or said. It seems a tame word at first, but think on it more with me: Aren't you describing some effect within yourself, rather than the thing itself? That is, the good purposes of my life are being frustrated by whatever it is.
Well, I've got one of those things. To be perfectly honest, it's a daily effort, a ritual, to deal with the things that I feel. I still get as angry as I did before. I want to talk about it, but with whom? To what end? So he or she can tell me, "That sucks" or "It's your fault" or whatever they would say? To be honest, I'm not even sure I know exactly what I did wrong. Was it one word, or a series of them? Was a sentiment I expressed unknown or surprising? I don't know.
I searched myself, and I found selfishness instead of open love, and I said so, right here. But I can't say I'd take anything back. What really stinks is, it may have been better to leave it unsaid, but then, I was feeling boxed in that it was unsaid. I thought I could rely on the goodwill I had built. I was wrong.
I am so willful and rebellious, it's a little questionable whether I'll make it to Heaven. But if there is any light from Heaven that shines from me, let me use it to say I'm sorry. But I need it to be known that I'm angry about what has happened. What was done in response did not do justice to me, as I person who put a lot into being a friend. Did I fail? More times than you know. But it was real. I was real. But you can know that I was never mad enough to wish harm, or anything less than blessing. I still pray. I still hope.
Lord, I offer you this suffering for the conversion of sinners, and for the good of the world. You who are all-seeing, see the good in me, and grow it. I ask this through Christ, Amen.
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