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You Probably Shouldn’t Cut Off Your Parents (But…)

 People who have been actually abused have a good reason to do something like that. And if an otherwise healthy and accountable person doesn’t respect boundaries that you want to set for your own family and children, well, I can see saying something like, “These are our expectations. Meet them, or leave.” I think that Catholic Answers piece was overstated on this point. You can still will the good of any person—the definition of love—and still rightly decide that being physically and emotionally close to someone is everything from undesirable to highly inappropriate.

My parents are and were great. Not perfect, mind you. I’ve had to forgive and let go of things. I don’t want to give a eulogy any time soon for my mother, God willing. But in the end, it would be an honor. I couldn’t even attempt a eulogy for one stepfather. See the first paragraph. But I did give one for the other stepfather, and I meant every good word.

I honestly hope I don’t become “The Eulogy Guy.” Because I feel the sadness of the occasion quite intensely. Incidentally, the Catholic Church is cracking down on these words of remembrance, because it can detract from the purpose of the Mass, and a Funeral Mass in particular. I was actually glad that when I spoke about my sister, it was after the Mass in a park. (The priest forgot.) In that way, I could say whatever I liked, relatively unbound from various social expectations. On a personal note, do your best to avoid having to bury a younger sibling. And there’s something particularly devastating about doing so as the oldest brother for a “baby” sister. You can make it; you can go forward, and you should. It’s just very hard. Remind me to tell my brother that we have to die on the same day.

Politics is playing a role in this controversy, and let’s cut the mess: on that occasion, it’s the turbo-progressive white women doing it. I myself have never heard of the opposite. We moderates with conservative flavoring wouldn’t even think of it. Most conservatives wouldn’t, either. If someone is so reactionary that they’re antisocial, it’s cult-like.

I do think a lot of people are weaponizing “trauma” to be self-involved and selfish (and ideological) but that’s not the whole story.

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