Safe Haven

Sometimes people surprise you. You think they'll ask for a certain thing or other from you via prayer, you think you know the struggle, and you turn out flat wrong. I did today. I often pray, quite frankly, that the theological columns don't add up straight for many of you anymore; often, you have to lose before you win. I know that the dark night of honest doubt for a Protestant ends in the pot of gold that is the Catholic Church. I don't believe it is triumphalistic, precisely because, like Louis Bouyer, I believe the legitimate goals and desires of the Reformation find their completion in the Catholic Church. No, my brothers, the irony does not escape me. The other delicious irony is that God was trying to give me simply Jesus, even as I swore up and down that it was these Romish sorts cluttering up the gospel with extraneous details. It's hilarious to me now: that mere Christianity finds its fullness in Rome ? Can anything good come out of Nazareth? Come and see. ...

I think it's sort of funny that when Protestant girls get frustrated about being single, they joke about becoming nuns. Some guys joke about the priesthood. In my limited experience, Catholics don't do this. I would hope it is because we recognize that a call to the priesthood or religious life is not a fall-back; if this is God's plan, nothing else will fit. I could be wrong, but I don't think there are armies of sexually-frustrated priests and nuns; I think they freely enter into that state, and they mourn that which they did not choose. But no one gets dragged into anything. There are two aspects of carrying the cross as a single person if you believe you are called to marriage: the physical, and the emotional. The physical is about recognizing rhythms. At certain times, you will be physiologically tempted to commit sexual sin. Again, in my experience, you just have to recognize the moment, and develop a specific plan of action: leave the room, call a friend, sin...

There is a lot of suffering going on, it seems. Old friends going through things I cannot even fathom, living Job's experience for real. Others are looking their own deaths right in the face, fighting for life each day. A brave face, to be sure. A happy face, even. But they know the stakes. And it hangs in the air: "Why?" And I don't have an answer. I wish I did. You can't just make it OK. You can't bring back the dead. But I don't doubt God's goodness; I can't. That would be like calling flowers ugly, or hating kittens, or something insane. Still, we're left here, thinking in spite of what we know: This isn't right. And nothing could be more correct. Our Savior himself wept, even though he was about to reverse the death that caused his tears. This isn't right. If Jesus can say it, so can we. And we should. But not with bitter hearts. Not with doubting hearts. Rather, we should say it with groanings that believe promises, with te...

Safe Haven, Empty House Edition: No one is here. My mom is on her way to Colorado, my brother and his wife are having a weekend get-away (this being one word now is a hideous abuse of our glorious language) and here I am. The dog's even at a hotel. I don't think the cat needs me. So if I can get this other test done, I can finish the Paper From Gehenna by Friday. It's not long. But sometimes, writing gets tedious and difficult, or at least the kind that's not for fun. I feel like Dr. Mark Hall, who's been nailed by animal tranquilizers as he crawls through the central core of Wildfire, stumbling to prevent a nuclear detonation. [How many times have you read that book?--ed.] A lot. Too much. But it's a classic, especially for short fiction. There are times when your feelings surprise you. I was writing a message yesterday, not emotional in itself, and I couldn't stop the water from flowing out of me. It was terrible. I would have gotten sobby watching Hol...

Election Update: The Obama lead is a lie. The average of the polls compiled by our friends at Real Clear Politics showing a national lead of roughly 3 points for the president is based on unrealistically favorable polls from Democratic-leaning firms AND job approval ratings of all adults and registered voters, not likely voters. Among those firms that only sample likely voters when asking about head-to-head and job approval Romney is ahead or tied. A sitting president will show a job approval above 49% among LIKELY voters if he is going to win, starting in late September. I can believe that President Obama leads in Colorado, Wisconsin, and Michigan; I DO NOT believe he actually leads in Ohio and Florida. Bush (2004) had a poll average lead of 6% at this point; it narrowed on Election Day, but a two-term president needs a lead; it shows the power of incumbency. An incumbent with a lead this small is going down hard. I'm willing to retire from predicting elections if I'm wrong. R...

Christian anthropology is hard. Or at least tests are hard. I was verbally answering the questions for a test I was taking, and there could be that moment where you realize, "Oh, wait. I have no idea what I'm talking about." I had to go goof off before I injured myself or others out of spite. It's a take-home, spoken into a recorder, so no harm, no foul. Deb was over last night, teaching me about singing. Why am I doing this, you ask? Because I love to sing, and I want to be better. Do I need another reason? I think I have more range than I showed last night, but we'll see. Given my experience wooing girls and in karaoke bars, I think I have at least a little bit to work with. [You can't forget about all that singing you've done in the Jetta of Decision.--ed.] Oh, yeah. Poor Confirmation Sponsor Guy; he probably still hasn't recovered. All I can say is that I didn't sing at all until I got baptized. I can remember this. I was afraid to do it,...

I made a fairly new friend, Deborah Lee, over the past year or so. She's a slightly younger, more Southern version of my mom, maybe. She's a musician/songwriter, so we get along well. Because I'm not trained in music, but I live in a very musical world. She's gonna come tomorrow and help me improve my singing. JK is pumped! Deb was Reformed like me. Seminary trained as I was, she graduated from the same place I went. And now, she's Catholic. My way there was a little more linear, perhaps a shade more intellectual, but we live in the same relentlessly creative space. I didn't realize I was one of those people. I didn't see it. I honestly thought everyone wrote poems and songs in the middle of the night. I'd never say they were good. And there's no law saying you can't grind out such things on a schedule. But if you live in a universe where that fancy could strike any time, and that seems normal to you, you're an artist. You're a hippie. ...

I'm gonna boast a bit here. Because I wasted a lot of time being inward-focused/bitter for no good reason. On the one hand, I'm single, 32, and I've hated (nearly) every second of it. On the other hand, once you make the decision, as far as you are able, not to take anything that isn't yours (and let's cut the crap, that's what lust is, gentlemen) a funny thing happens: beautiful women start hanging around. Paradoxically, you care less than you did. Lust makes you angry and possessive; godly love in charity leads you in giving of yourself without caring if you get anything back. Don't get me wrong: I've been hit by the Love Lightning several times, including very recently. And you can be godly and prayerful, patient and gentle, and she still seems like a drug you'll never kick. It sucks. But you know what? If you love truly, you can keep your honor and her respect no matter what she decides to do. That's what I figured out: My honor is more i...

Well, cover me in pine needles and set me on fire. I am impatient. Impatient for love, money, success. Impatient with friends, quasi-friends, animals, the weather, Mitt Romney. In fact, I'd be the first one to volunteer for Hell, but that shouldn't be anyone's idea of a good time. Besides, then you could add pride to my impatience. The funny part is, you'd automatically figure the Blessed Mother would have an infinite reservoir of patience. On the other hand, has there been a human who needed it any less? It could not have been hard to raise Jesus. I'll bet the arguments in the Holy Family were comically brief. St. Joseph already knows women are always right...but this time, it's totally true. I'm impatient for peace, too. World peace, and peace closer to home. There is nothing like a smile to quiet a twitchy heart. Be the change, people! You never know how close someone is to mailing it in, or worse. In the past 10 minutes, I have complimented Herbert H...

Ahem .

Election Update: I was slightly concerned about my prediction when I woke up this morning to see that the Real Clear Politics polling average had shifted nationally to a lead of .7% for President Obama. I looked a little closer, and it doesn't pass the sniff test. It's being skewed by a Gallup poll of all adults, showing an absurd lead of +10 for Obama. First off, NEVER POLL ALL ADULTS. If they don't bother to register, no one of consequence cares what they think. Secondly, most other surveys show a range between +2 and -5. Most firms are over-sampling self-identified Democrats. Frankly, they always do this. People point it out (especially since Republicans win most presidential elections) and they keep doing it. Eight years ago today, President Bush had a polling average lead of +6.5. It narrowed by election day, but he won by about 2 percentage points. This is what sitting presidents do. If they are in a strong position, this is evident pretty far out. There aren't ...

I went to Adoration last night. It is one of those weird Catholic things. I had to unburden myself. Sadness and sighing. Sometimes, He makes me laugh. There were no laughs today. But the Monsignor told us that a boatload of young people are in the RCIA. He said that 11 of the 16 people he met with decided to look into the Church because of the witness of their friends. So that was inspiring. You know, I went to this Eucharistic Adoration a lot in the months before I pulled the trigger. I wasn't sure what I believed about this Real Presence as they taught it. But it didn't matter. Jesus is Jesus. This is why I said, "Where Christ is, falsehood cannot be." I experienced what he meant when he said, "And surely I will be with you, even to the end of the age." Because we know he is sitting at the right hand of the Father. When He comes again, it will be glorious and terrible. But in this mode, He is not Judge. He's the one who said, "Let the little chi...

There are a few of you who are open to learning more about the Catholic Church and its claim to be the Church Christ founded. I want you to know exactly what I myself read in coming to that conclusion. 1. Upon This Rock, Steve Ray. 2. The Lamb's Supper, Scott Hahn 3. A Father Who Keeps His Promises, Scott Hahn 4. The Russian Church and the Papacy, Vladimir Soloviev. 5. The Early Papacy, Adrian Fortescue. 6. The Faith of the Early Fathers, William Jurgens. (vol. 1) If you read these 6 books, you will have a good chance to understand the claim being made, and you will see the evidence upon which that claim is based. It is very true that a group claiming to be the One True Church without any evidence would be a band of schismatics, trying to charm people with whatever allure existed in the way they did things. But that isn't what's happening here. In fact, I should say that you won't take any other rival claimants very seriously at all, once you understand the cha...

Last October, in what turned out to be the prelude to a time of great darkness and pain, I went to see Stanley Hauerwas, one of America's premier Protestant theologians. He was giving a talk in my area about the gospel and people with disabilities. I had to go. Mr. Cross invited me, and Tim, you were there, of course. Mr. Durrwachter was in attendance, as well. It was a big deal; a huge ecumenical gathering of theologians and seminarians from across many traditions of Christianity had formed. I think we were all knavishly expecting that the good doctor would swear a lot (he does that) but he didn't. When he began, his thoughts were a bit scattered; he is up in age, I thought, it's bound to happen. But he hit a stride, and he hit my soul. In truth, I have not recovered since. And I'm only now able to begin applying the lessons I learned about myself, and my place in this world. ["Lookin' for a reason/Roamin' through the night to find/My place in this world...

Election Update: I broke down and watched the RNC on its final night, and had watched the previous night, truth be told. I won't comment but to say that this is not a bounce. The polls have shown a discernable shift toward Mr. Romney for weeks now, as he consolidates GOP support. He has the unflagging support of 90 percent of self-indentified Republicans. The media is playing up the remaining swing voters. 'Tis true, if they broke in large quantities (like 2/3 or 4/5) for the president, then he would win. But it's not happening. The electoral votes show the same thing; those states called toss-ups will have to all break for Obama. The opposite is occurring. We are looking at a trouncing in favor of the challenger. It's waiting to happen. The media, who are out of a job and out of a candidate by stating the obvious, will hide this. I'll write this here, because I'm bad luck on OFB, but this is 1980. Obama is Carter in more ways than one! What you're going t...

I stopped by I almost knocked. It would not have been welcome, And I know that. For all I know You'll be happier Never to see my face Or hear my voice Again. I just wanted to see That you're OK Even if you couldn't care less That I wanted to know. My friends know That I'd rather die Than hurt them, And that was true then. I keep saying it again Because it matters. As bad as I feel I can't feel that. And what is it? The conviction that I never Called you friend Nor deserved it. "It just happens," They say. No, it doesn't; It's a decision. I'm still so sorry But I will not accept The hardness of your heart Which was there long before me. In this world or the next You will look me in the eyes And tell me why You deny mercy. Have you learned nothing Of what He taught us? What will be your answer When He knocks?

Because I am a faithful Catholic, unflinchingly loyal to the Magisterium and what she teaches, if there is some blatant inconsistency with Catholic Social Teaching and some political belief of mine, I definitely want to know about it, so I can correct it. Moreover, if I can re-phrase something to avoid giving the impression that I am ignoring some aspect of it or willing to, I'm happy to do it. I'm speaking as a guy who, if given the opportunity, would relish the chance to run for an office in the future. You have no idea. I have no idea if the Ryan Plan is a good idea. I've only glanced at a few articles about what it contains in bare outline. But what I have heard about it is at least worth consideration (I think). If you hang around free-marketeers long enough, you hear interesting things about what's possible, what we could try, that hasn't gotten a fair shake because of caricatures of markets or economics that especially as Christians we just accept because w...

Dear Lee Ann Rimes , At the risk of sounding like the Church Lady, I'd probably be anxious too, if I was married, had an affair, "fell in love," 'married' that guy, (who did the same thing to his wife) and just generally made a mess of things. If God--who I'd be willing to bet you've met before --was trying to tell you something, what would He say? He did say, "I hate divorce." Please think about it. There is always forgiveness, but the thing about it is, we can never enjoy it without change. We can't do the same things we know are wrong and expect to be happy. Regards, Jason

I've become aware today that it's Captain Jack's birthday. I'm too in awe of him to add him as a Facebook friend, to be perfectly frank. He's probably the best teacher I've ever had, and I've had a lot of them. More than that, he leaves one thinking, "I want to be like that guy." I have fantasies of being at the forefront of a conspiracy to convert him and have him teach in several Catholic institutions. Wouldn't the squishiness of American Catholicism drop by a factor of five instantaneously? Yes, from one guy. He's Scott Hahn on steroids. Of course, the Politiburo--er, I mean, the CDF--will have to encourage the good doctor to align his scriptural views to that of Mother Church, but I am certain this could be done. If you've never had Captain Jack as a teacher, you wouldn't get it. But I do. So does Confirmation Sponsor Guy. If there were any good reason to stay Reformed, it would be to remain in the same ecclesiastical struct...

I haven't watched the Republican National Convention yet; I don't really want to. I've made my election prediction; anything else would just clutter it up with emotional baggage. Nate Silver of the NYT may be a statistical genius, but he's smoking crack on this election. Romney is winning, I'm telling you. Silver has to make it look good for the liberals who read the Times, but this thing is over. Do you realize that all the structural advantages were in Obama's favor last time? Anti-incumbent sentiment? Check. Once-in-a-generation candidate? Check. Nominating contest that divided the losing party? Check. (AKA, The Base Hates McCain) McCain would have had to cure cancer to win that election, AND financial crisis. Yes, they were comically inept, and McCain is an erratic, hotheaded putz. But all that means is that an almost certain loss turned into a trouncing. Anyway, all the advantages are in favor of Romney this time. The only thing that could stop him was ...