Safe Haven

5. If the offer isn't real, your good news is not a deal. 4. If you crash on the rocks, go to The Box. 3. If Jesus is your brother, Mary is your mother. 2. Talk to the saints; they'll hear your complaints. 1. If you don't have a priest, you don't have a feast.

5. That awkward moment when you say, "So that's why we have traditionalists!" 4. I want to walk right up to a neo-Calvinist and say, "Nestorius called; he wants his anti-Catholicism back." 3. I don't always agree with Fr. Robert Barron, but when I do, it's emphatically. Stay holy, my friends. 2. I think Paul VI would walk into most parishes and say, "This is not what I meant." 1. Arguing over whether the miraculous apostolic gifts of the Spirit have continued is close to pointless if you can't identify, much less hold, the catholic and apostolic faith.

5. C'mon, Tom. Your legendary hotness doesn't help my fantasy football team as much as a few touchdown passes would. 4. The definitive proof that Catholics do not worship Mary as a goddess or some other foolishness: If you put Jesus in the place where Mary is, and confessed the same things of him as we do of her, you'd be an Arian heretic. Instead, may Jesus, who is God Almighty, be adored forever and ever! 3. Denny's is awesome. I don't understand it, I just confess it. Like the Trinity. 2. No, you will not adorn my hash browns with cheesy, onion-y, grossness. But thanks for asking. 1. Fall Back. JASON WINS!!!

5. I'll see your "Images are idolatry!" and raise you an ecumenical council that says they're not. 4. There's an historic term for those who think they know better than mother Church assembled in ecumenical council: heretics. 3. "Councils may err," you say? Who says? Those alleged "prophets" over there? 2. John 20:23. Interesting verse, don't you think? Isn't it also interesting that John's picture of Jesus is a bit like Howard Dean? I mean this in a good way. Just says what he thinks, and lets the chips fall where they may. Jesus doesn't stop to qualify things. See John 6:51-58. 1. The only thing I don't despise about Boston right now--with apologies of course to its people--is James Taylor.

5. "Mary is Co-Redemptrix." True? Yes, undoubtedly. Helpful? Not so much. 4. "I wish I knew the Bible better!" Again, who couldn't say this? But to a good Calvinist, this cements his worst fears about you and the Church. 3. "I'll have my fun now, and then go to Confession." Smooth move, Ex-Lax. He's already inclined to believe you care nothing for Jesus, and you just proved it. (And Father shouldn't absolve you, either.) 2. "Contraception is wrong." Once again, totally true. But the truth of it is an implication of Church teaching on the dignity of persons and their bodies. The rule without the context is not life-giving. 1. "Human nature is basically good." Within a thoroughly Catholic anthropology, this is fully true. To a Calvinist, at a minimum, this sounds like a denial of original sin, or the sure triumph of Pelagianism. You should talk about this at some point, but not now.

This.  1000 times, this.

5. We'll be back. Count on it. 4. I wish I could say, "There's no principled difference" in like 37 languages. Besides, where does it actually say, "Everything you need to know is in Scripture"? I keep looking. 3. I hate Reformation Day. It's like celebrating a divorce. 2. I've seen good things on Upworthy, but I can't shake the feeling that when I click, I'm supporting abortionists, 'marriage equality' advocates, and Democrats. But I repeat myself. 1. Frankly, every time we are exhorted to "honor our servicemen," I get the feeling we are living in a dystopian Heinlein novel. And no, Denise Richards, circa 1997 does not make it better. No offense, my friends.

5. I say, "...if memory serves" a lot. I wonder if my associates think, "Of course it serves, you encyclopedic, vainglorious toad."  4. Spock says, "if memory serves," which is the real reason I say it. 3. The Avett Brothers blew me away today. In spite of the fact that I listen to way more popular music than most of you, I hadn't heard them. Oops. 2. Sufjan is OK. He's obviously profoundly talented. But "pretentious" comes to mind. Popular music is for the populace. 1. "Father, the hipster has awakened!" [chortle]

What she said . I think I just said this yesterday . With the usual blah-blah about how we shouldn't generalize to all people (which actually functions among certain Evangelical tribes as a way to prevent anyone from saying anything about anything), I really resonated with it. On the other hand, I feel socio-culturally like a woman, sometimes. I don't have any problem sharing my feelings. At all. Interrupting me will not cause me to withdraw. Anyway, I'm pretty wounded. No news there. In other news, let me point out that this is yet another link to something written by a non-Catholic Christian of some sort, and I am not going to critique it at all. Furthermore, this is exactly what happens 94.7 percent of the time. The next person who says I don't respect non-Catholic Christians, I'm just going to laugh in your face, in the most loving way possible. I also feel compelled to mention to Comrade Butler and The Durrwachter that whatever else I might say, you two guy...

Well, I was wrong. Boston has been great the last two games, largely due to David Ortiz, and the incredible pitching of Jon Lester. I loathe the Red Sox and the fair weather fandom of Red Sox Nation, but as a baseball fan who watches the pitchers closely, it has been an honor to watch Jon Lester pitch. I thought the Cards had chances against him in Game 1, and just missed them. Yes, they were down by 5 after 2 innings that night, but Lester was missing fastball location repeatedly, which is why he had trouble in the third and fourth innings. That game was much tighter than the 8-1 score shows, because the Cardinals are the kind of team that functions on momentum. Last night was different. Lester is making his case to be a Red Sox legend. He didn't miss at all. The Cardinals still had their chances, but it didn't feel like the same sort of game. He's now 4-0 career in the World Series, having only surrendered 1 run, total. Cards ace Adam Wainwright, for his part, deserved ...

I get him. I understand his intellectual universe, because I kinda sorta live there, too. I'll probably be a professor at some point, if God lets me hang out on this rock for awhile longer. Obama really is like a professor, for good, and for ill. Take a moment to live in the world of the intellectual, if you would. Intellectuals read books. They have conversations about stuff that ordinary people just don't think about most of the time. Not to say they are better or worse; they just are who they are. We absolutely need those people. Our leaders need them. And this is not to say that intellectuals can't make dire errors, because they can. They do, all the time. But let's take a moment to appreciate what we still do have in terms of intellectualism here, and realize that our president is a product of that. Considered by itself , this is absolutely a good thing. His speeches felt like essays, in the early days. I could almost see the footnotes at the end of his sentences...

I happen to think Columbo is the greatest show and character of all time, so you are cool. Furthermore, Janet Leigh...well, let's just say, I'm a guy, and she wasn't exactly plain-looking in the '50s. Ahem. But I almost mixed her up with Vivien Leigh, which reminded me of Gone With The Wind. Warning: This is about to be a digression. Vivien Leigh of course played Scarlett O'Hara. Scarlett is the epitome of the kind of girl I dislike being attracted to, because while she is--how would the average guy say it?--"mind-blowingly hot," she's silly, and she's a tease. When I saw that movie, all I could think was, "Rhett, I get it, man. But if you choose her, you're stupid." She lacks character; she has charm, but in that bad, biblical sense in Proverbs 31. Please tell me I'm not alone. I don't date a lot, and I would have liked to be married already. God's will be done. But I will tell you flatly: a woman's sexiness is ...

That means the Cardinals are vying for another World Series title. We're just going to beat them. You can feel that Boston doesn't have a chance. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong, but I have seen Cardinals playoff teams before, and this team scares me the most. They have no holes. Sure, they can lose on any day, but you don't say, "So-and-so has to play way above his level if we're going to win." You say, "These guys can beat you 1000 ways. Any one of them could be the hero." What people don't realize is that in 2004, the greatest Cardinals team ever--who won 105 of 162 regular season games that year--lost ace Chris Carpenter going into the postseason. Woody Williams started Game 1 on the mound for them. Woody was underrated his entire career, but he's no Chris Carpenter. And the Red Sox had just become the first team to win a best-of-seven series after trailing 3-0 to the Yankees in the LCS. Most of the country--influenced by the Eastern me...

Read . And the entirety of one political party exists for the promotion of the murder of children, and part of the other one isn't sure what it thinks. Do you realize you're going to die one day? It could be soon. We don't know. And when you do, your money, your fun, and your plans will mean two things: Jack and Squat. What matters? Love. Love endures. Do you seriously have so much to do that we can't even get sex right anymore? For the moment, forget the God question. Why are we so afraid of sex? We're so scared of it, it must be tightly controlled. We must use it entirely for pleasure, that momentary "AHA!" most of us know and love. Wouldn't want to just let nature take its course, and see what happens. Oh, no! If we do that, a family and joy might break out. Don't you know you're much more valuable as a cog in a soulless corporation? I am beside myself.

5. I successfully resisted all these temptations to buy a Ronco electric food dehydrator. Honestly. I hear "homemade beef jerky," and I just lose it. 4. What on Earth is wrong with Peyton Manning? 3. Wes. Welker. 2. What on Earth is wrong with Tom Brady? 1. Oh, wait. It's the World Series. I don't care about football.

He's at it again . He's Peter Leithart, brilliant author, pastor, speaker, and on and on. But the fact remains, he doesn't get it. He can't, because he finds himself unable to question his three fundamental assumptions: 1) his absolute right of private judgment in matters of Scripture or Tradition; (consequently) 2) the fundamental invisibility of the Church; and--this is a tough one-- 3) that he's actually in Christ's Church. If you do not question these assumptions, you have not gotten into the mind of a true convert. You have not seen the other side. You've seen your own side, and dabbled in it. Let's get real. Quite honestly, too, if you don't begin to make that effort, you're just wasting your breath. Because I can tell you, on balance, converts to Catholicism do understand what they left better than those who went the other way. Yes, that is a direct challenge. One that I hope you take. Let me just be honest, and perhaps make a concessi...

I agree with Jonah Goldberg: GOP intraparty squabbling is pointless. Strategically, the message is this: "You said we would be helping the poor get health care, and addressing its rising costs for all of us. Instead, we got higher premiums, higher taxes, higher everything, in a law that's nothing more than a giveaway to Big Insurance and lawyers." People will not generally ever dislike President Obama. He's done almost everything possible to destroy the country and freedom as we know it, and people still like him. The elections are over now, but realize that Obama is still a buffoon. He uses words without knowing or caring what they mean. Articulate, highly intelligent, but his world-view is Swiss cheese. He's a college freshman who got way older, just like every aging "progressive." Show the country that we are governed by highly-credentialed stupid people. Just like Bush did, twice. We lost because we got angry, and then we nominated Scrooge MacDuck....

I guess I've heard a lot of popular music in my day. And even though I was roughly an adult when I first believed in Jesus, I've heard a ton of Jesus pop also. On the one hand, we all know what we hate about it, and I suppose we could lodge objections until we were 82. On the other hand, if you worship Jesus, you're going to face scorn, no matter how talented you are. The thing that bothers me the most is when I don't believe someone when they sing to me. They might know the words are true, but they don't know. You know? When people say, "This is 'everything is great' music" this is what they mean. On the other hand, there are some who are experts at telling us how bad they are. Same pride, different day. Frankly, I'd rather listen to James Taylor than most of this stuff. But there's one person who made Jesus records I could listen to all day, every day. Born in Indiana, the same year as my mother. Died in an accident when he was 42, an...

Today, someone said this: "Clericalism is also the insistence that one can only approach God through a priest, or receive forgiveness of sins through a priest, and that truth is only available through a priest." I could hardly keep myself from chuckling, because the person who said this is a Lutheran. Dude, pick a side. You sound like an evangelical. The reason to have a big liturgical to-do in the first place is because you have priests. You have priests only if you have a sacrifice. And if you believe that the Christian liturgy reaches its climax and purpose in the sacrifice of the New Covenant, you might be a lot of things, but you're not an evangelical. It is incoherence, in fact, that pushes us forward in the Christian life, either in the walk of faith, or in the work of theology. And in either case, that incoherence will force us toward the abandonment of false principles, or to the loving contemplation of supernatural mysteries. People cannot abide incoherence...

Here's a "gay" blog you can read until Jesus comes back. No, seriously. My friend from college, Stevi Ferguson, posted it. Stevi continues her incredible run of posting amazing, thoughtful things on Facebook from around the Christian blogosphere for us to read. I've said this to her many times. I digress. OK, odds are pretty good that the author, Julie Rodgers, is a Protestant. Try not to die, gentle readers. Anyway, we should be able as Catholics to separate orientation from behavior, as our Catechism does, in paragraphs 2358-2359. And maybe we can help our evangelical brethren to engage this issue more fruitfully. I read a couple more posts from Julie, and I really liked them. She tells us that she's committed to following Christ, in spite of the challenges and struggles, and I can get behind that, enthusiastically.